The Letter

Feels like we've gone as far as we can with these marriage counseling tools...loaned to me by a friend when she heard from me that I wanted this marriage to work. We sit at the desk looking at each other and I still feel this wall, this invisible wall up inside me. My husband and I are pretty good communicators with each other but I still feel the wall. Isn't he suppose to be watching some big football game? Why did he insist we do this marriage homework anyway? The hassle of putting the dogs up and locking everything out so that it's just us in this office, seemed hardly worth the effort. We're struggling...I'm flipping through the book we are using and want to scream "nothing in here pertains to us!". He looks at the book I'm thumbing through and starts reading this handwritten letter in it. He asks when I wrote this letter in the book. I was told not to write in the book...I was given note pads by my friend to ensure I wouldn't! But there it is...my messed up handwriting scribbling out my past fears of abandonment. Then, at the end of the letter is a note to my young self, from my current self ... and sure enough...it's signed Bobbie. I didn't write this letter! Why is it printed in this book? We investigate and it is printed in the book?! Trying to chuckle yet realizing this isn't funny...how did this letter get here with my handwriting and my birth name as well as my nickname?! How did this history get here? Is this some weird joke from my friend who took parts of my past I shared with her in confidence, and somehow, through modern technology, print this in this book?! We want to see another copy of this manual to see if this letter is in all of them?! I do see one tiny discrepancy, I never wore glasses as a child, this letter isn't from me...it's too close though. Feelings are coming out, words are shared, the wall is starting to come down. At the end, my husband holds me and says "God wrote the letter to help us". Some things can not be explained... We just might make it.