Daily Bread

Yesterday, I had lunch with some friends and the Lord's prayer was read by a baby Christian from a version I don't believe I've heard before. When it got to the part of "give us this day our daily bread", it had the words "day by day" at the end. So it read, give us this day our daily bread day by day. I sort of liked that day by day mention and felt led to share about the Israelites telling Moses they were hungry and God made bread come down from heaven called Manna. Each morning the people ate this moist bread that appeared on the ground and were filled. However, when they went to save or hoard some bread for the next night (or, if I were there, a late night snack), the bread would spoil. Therefore, they couldn't save any for the next day but had to rely on God day by day for His bread. The bread of life. I have to admit, when us four girls were children and we got some ice cream, we would try to see who could eat it the slowest. The part that was troubling was it wasn't so we could really enjoy it later (because ice cream melts) but for the enjoyment of being able to eat it in front of the sisters that had already ate theirs up. Some of us would bargain with those that had so that we could get their portion. Some of us simply took it from the younger ones. But the point I'm getting at was the motive. Do we save things so that we have the delusion of security in the future? Do we save things so that our sisters might see them and want them? Or, do we save and obtain so that we can give freely, what has in a sense been given to us? Only God knows our hearts. The older I get the healthier I believe it is to live in this day, fully enjoying what we can share, give and use. After all, we are only really here for a moment. We are like vapors that are here for a while and then gone. How would today be if we thought today was our last? How would I be? I think I'm going to try to live day by day. Let go of yesterday, not fret about tomorrow but look at today and all the neat things the Lord is going to put in it. Sounds peaceful...

Tested and Passed!?!

I am hitting a wall....I'm mean spiritually wiped out, but the Lord saw me through and I can say after a huge WHEW, that I'm glad that test was over and I think I passed! In James we've been studying to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. I have to say, I cannot do any of these three, but with God, all things are possible. He actually has been reminding me to be quick to hear. It has been truly amazing. I have even had several occasions to be slow to speak. Yippee! I'm moving right along. Then a question came up on when the last time I was angry. I couldn't think of a recent time. All of a sudden - BAM -!!! Something happened that really made me angry. Something was said and done and I was mad. This was from someone that was supposed to love me? At first I was like, Lord, give me the right words to say when I go to confront this person!! I want to speak the truth in love...well...through gritted teeth, but make it sound like love! I found all the scripture that even backed me up in confronting "the erring brother". I'm pretty ready and I'm praying for the perfect time too. It's just around the corner!! I'm almost excited about how much scripture I found that really backed me up! The event was scheduled and when I heard that the very person who had done this HUGE injustice to me was also invited, I was like...this is perfecto! Of course I'll be civil, in a chilly sort of way, but afterwards, when it's just the two of us (because the bible says to first go to the person privately), then I'll let it out!! After all, it's really for their benefit, so that they learn not to do this again because they've done it several times...I'd even go so far as to say they've done it 70 times 7! The day has arrived. I'm prayed up and ready. As a matter of fact, I'm more than ready! As I'm driving for the event, I can hear this gentle, and I mean ever so gentle "let it go" in my heart. You've got to be kidding!? No...let it go. I replied, I don't think I can. The voice said "give it to me". I don't want to.... But...but... Ok. I let it go. Reluctantly at first but with each passing moment, the Lord let me see this person through His eyes. The offense is gone. I didn't even realize it till days later. The pain is gone. What good is it my brothers if we only love those who love us? Thanks God! I finally passed a test and I didn't even know it was one ... till just now.

Time to Grow Up

And not a moment too soon, I might add! Haha. The older I get, the more I realize that I can't blame people, my upbringing, even the devil for the things I do that are wrong. I have the ability to choose to do or not do things that are not good or healthy for me. I have been playing around with a habit for a number of years (this isn't pretty, but it was smoking). It wasn't until a month ago, I sincerely asked the Lord to free me from this habit. I thought back to why I had picked up this habit after not doing it for ten years. The answer came like a lightening bolt. My mom and I were very close and one morning she went to be with the Lord...without even a goodbye or a warning. It seemed that just as she was starting to relax and enjoy life, at the age of 57, she was gone. The pain was like a knife that continually twisted in my heart and the anger at the Lord for allowing this, was fierce. I had been a Christian for about ten years at this point, and I knew our days are numbered, but I thought this was cruel. So, I had a very, very long temper tantrum. It was so awful that I remember my Uncle asking me if I were really saved...Ouch. By God's everlasting loving kindness, I came back to the Lord...but I came with some habits. I still cry at realizing how long His patience is because I am so thankful. He lead me to some strong Christians, not babies. He put me in a church that teaches the Word and doesn't water it down. He's put a song in my heart and a desire to grow and makeup for some lost time. I'm involved in sharing His fantastic grace again like I use to be but with more love. The bible states, when I was a child, I acted like a child and I reasoned like a child, but when I became mature...I put away childish things. With maturity, comes responsibility and accountability. I want to be found doing what is pleasing to the Lord, not my flesh. Today, I want to walk in love and truth. I want to be a pleasing aroma to the Lord (not a smoky one...teehee). Let's come together and encourage each other to please the One who made us. It's a great ride!

How Long Can A Purpose Last?

I woke up this morning (which is always a good start) and I was thinking of a conversation my mother-in-law and I were having the other day about life. You see, she is 85 years old and a month ago, both of her grown sons, who lived with her, had gone to be with the Lord. Now, she is living by herself. I call her frequently because I love her and have known her since I was 16. Even after the divorce from her son in which she didn't blame me, I kept in touch and she did very well keeping in touch with me! However, I have to admit at times I am concerned for her living alone. We can talk for hours so in one of these conversations I asked her if she was ok living alone. She told me, she never feels alone. It's always her and the Lord. When she opens her eyes, she knows she is there for a purpose. She admits she may not know what the purpose is, but she knows she has one. I can readily see one of her purposes and that is prayer. I call her all the time for prayer and I believe when I asked her to pray for a friend of mine to know the Lord, it was in part due to her prayers. She has the sweetest relationship with the Lord and thanks Him for everything. One time recently I had mailed her a little money, and when I called her days later, she asked "how did you know I was going to have to pay for a tree to be removed?". Of course I had no idea, but the Lord did. I also love how when she gets frustrated, she shares that too and I get to watch how it works itself out. She's honest with the Lord and those around her. I pray I get to treasure many years talking to her and laughing with her (she also has a great sense of humor). We never really have ended a conversation though without comforting each other with those powerful verses of when the Lord returns to take us home and how eye has not seen nor ear heard what He has prepared for those He loves. So I woke up this morning, I prayed to be a vessel for the Lord and I am looking forward to going to church! Pray you are too!

Price Comparing

I don't know if it's because of the economy or if I'm just getting a tiny bit more smarter...but I've been discovering how to shop smarter and save money! It started with a friend of mine who clips coupons. Now, I'm not that patient and usually end up buying things I normally wouldn't because I had a coupon. Then my sister Kathy took me with her and she's pretty savvy. To take a few extra minutes and compare the amount I'm getting plus deciding if the brand is good enough is starting to pay off. I've even found some fantastic things at yard sales! So, this is getting to be fun. Not to mention the people I get to meet and make laugh because I tell them about my yard sale budget! The bible does talk about praying for wisdom...there's even mention about His people perishing for lack of it. So, when I wake up in the morning, the first thing I try to pray for is wisdom...even wisdom in how to pray for other people. Before shopping, it's a great idea to pray for what the needs are versus the greeds. I pray for wisdom on how to listen better and talk kinder. It's going to take some time, but already I notice fewer conflicts, fewer apologies having to be spoken and fewer knots in my stomach. If I were shopping for fruit of the spirit, I would always try to get more: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control. This is what I can shop for while praying too. The cost is simply, putting others ahead of me. Funny thing is, the less of me I think about, the more joy I seem to have. It can be a great life if I'm willing to work on it. Won't you join me?

Promise you won't repeat.....

It seems to be everywhere. In our schools, businesses, churches and sadly, in our own families. Those the closest to us can hurt us with their mouths the most. Proverbs 10:18 states: "One who utters slander is a fool". I would dare to say that this epidemic has at one time or another affected someone's very soul. At times it seems like it cuts deeper than a knife in our own hearts. And yet, I'd go even one more step and admit, I've done it...be it intentional or not. Words have the power to heal and destroy. Why aren't we more careful then? The power of life and death is in the tongue. With it we bless our Lord and Savior and with the same mouth we curse men who are made in His image. It should not be this way, especially when we know that our days are numbered. What if the last thing uttered about someone was unkind? Recently, a friend of mine shared something said about me from a member of my family. It really doesn't matter who or what was said. But as I listened, I was trying to defend my family member and stop the conversation. For some reason, this was not stopping. When I got off the phone, I have to admit I was hurt. I mean hurt to the core. And I asked God to show me why this happened. He answered in my spirit and I had to feel that feeling of hurt and betrayal, mixed with confusion and anger. Then, I realized something. This is how it feels to the other person when I do it. Ouch. Lord, please help me to never speak badly of another person, help me think before I "share". Help me remember this pain...this gut wrenching pain I feel. I want to please you God.

Just Breathe and Count to Ten

Have you ever wondered what a word not only means, but feels like? Lately, I have. Have you ever prayed for God to show you what a word is and looks like...and He does? Me too. Have you ever prayed for patience and quickly realized never to do that again! Haha. Me too. So, you would think by now I would stop asking the Lord to demonstrate a word to me...but no. My desire to know at times outweighs my contentment with what I do know, or think I know. I was invited to a bible study last night by a girlfriend and the question arose about what the meaning of a certain word means. It's one of those words you think you know, and for most of the part, you know the basic meaning. When they asked the question "what is the difference between patience and tolerance" I answered like this: While raising my son, I was patient waiting for him to grow up...however, I knew while he was growing up, he was going to do some things questionable along the way, but I would still love him". Pretty soon, the study was over, we visited and I went home quite happy. As I closed the garage door and proceeded to walk straight back into my bedroom, I see some white stuff on the floor. The further I walk in, and turn on lights the more of this white stuff there is?!! There all through my bedroom, bathroom and living room are piles and piles of shredded toilet paper strewn all over the place! I stand still...as in total shock and denial. How on earth did this happen and who did it!??? As I follow the paper, it becomes quite clear that the puppies had somehow gotten into the linen closet, got down a four pack roll of Charmin toilet paper and went to town!! Now, they are so happy I'm home that they are jumping on me and licking me...but I'm busy taking evidence photos. For a brief second I felt like committing Harry carry, but after they were posing proudly before their project, it occurred to me that now I know what tolerance feels like. I got ready for bed, slept great and didn't clean it up (because the photos need to be brighter haha). Puppies don't do things on purpose to get into trouble...they don't know any better. People that don't really know the Lord don't mean to make fun of certain things, they just don't know any better. Even Jesus said, "forgive them, for they know not what they do". Our job is to love them anyway and encourage them along the way. Now, who wants to come help me clean this up??

Just Chillin

Yesterday was a great day. The weather couldn't have been more beautiful, bible study was so good, I got to see my friends and two of my sisters, my son texted me and we're hooking up today, my house is clean, laundry is done and at the dentist I found out I had no cavities! However, something did happen that took me back to a time, not too extremely long ago I might add, that showed me some insight. My friend and I drove clear over to the other side of town and in great traffic. I had a one o'clock appointment back on this side of town, and we are right on time. Yet, there's this light on Litchfield Road that's turning red. I need to turn left. I'm not at all worried because I know we have time and also, the light usually has a green arrow for turns. Sure enough, the light turns red, and in a second, the green arrow pops up. The car ahead of me made a slight hesitation but I could see he now was seeing he had a green arrow. All of a sudden, my friend reaches over my arms that are holding the steering wheel, and she is attempting to blow the horn! I look at her face and I'm checking to see if she's serious or if she's joking because she's picking up some of my habits... I think she just might be serious. Now, this takes me back to all the times I use to do this, or try to, with my husband. He would get so mad at me and never could see that all I was trying to do was help! So, I sit there thinking...while I'm in the dentist's chair and I figure it all out. She really is trying to help me because she thinks I'm going to be late and I'm a pretty timely person. She also knows how long that light is and it's pretty long. Back when I use to "help" this way with my spouse...it wasn't for those reasons but because I was always thinking I could control everything....even time! Slowly, I'm learning that I can't control anything and as the years pass, I realize I no longer want to. There is God in my life and He is showing me, in His time, that He is going to take care of everything and that everything that happens, serves His purpose. I mean, after all, what else would I have blogged about today? LOL. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Then my favorite song "Jesus, Take the Wheel" reminds me of the Lord being in control. Perhaps today, I'll drive slower, love harder, and talk with love. He's either Lord of all, or...

Check-Ups

So.....just got back from the dentist. Bless those dear people that chose this line of work as a career! This appointment was for a cleaning...and it's been years since I've had a cleaning, so I was a tad bit anxious to see how bad it was going to be. Needless to say, the dentist said there was very little plaque and asked if I flossed daily. I honestly answered him and said "no". Pretty good appointment...well...almost. He informed me that I am grinding my teeth away in my sleep and have worn down some back molars. I asked him what causes grinding??? He said stress!? Now, a few years ago, I would have no problem accepting that answer, but, this last six months or so, I've not felt any stress...I mean nothing out of the norm. He said even though what may have started out as a case of stress, the fact is that now the grinding has become a habit. Now, we are discussing mouth trays, etc. and I already had tried those and couldn't sleep with mouth guards in my mouth. I asked the dentist if there's anything I can do natually and he said that while I'm awake, make sure my upper teeth never touch my lower teeth and that I can do that by holding my tongue in between! Sure...no problem! Well, I can tell this is going to take me being aware of what I'm doing with my mouth. Now, since this new bible study began, I had been trying to pay attention to my words (and for the most part, those words do happen to come out of my mouth). I think God knew that I needed more help with this goal of watching my words and now I have an additional reason for paying attention to my mouth. Not only am I going to focus on keeping my teeth apart, but mainly I'm going to focus on holding my tongue!! Thank you Lord!!

A Few BooBoos

I have to admit, that I have made several BooBoos. For some reason, a few of them entered into my head so I think I'll share. Years ago when I worked at the Bank, I had several people I knew. I don't think you can work in a 36 floor building and not. While in the cafeteria one lunch hour, a friend pops behind me and startles me. So, I think to myself, I'll get him back. Out of the corner of my eye, I happen to barely see him in line with his white button up shirt and bluish tie on. He is just standing there reading the weeks's menu..as if nothing happened. Now, I carefully sneak behind him and once I'm close enough...I GRAB THAT MENU OUT OF HIS HANDS AND START nonchalantly reading it. As I prepare to thrust it back into his hands, I see this startled face of a man I have never seen in my life, and right across me is the man I meant to do this too laughing his head off. To say I was embarrassed and wanted to crawl in a hole is barely scratching the surface. Then, there was this time my girlfriend Patti, is going out the door towards the ladies room. I could see her because I had cameras right outside my office that showed people coming and going out the secured entrance. So, I start towards the bathroom and have decided once I am inside the ladies room, I'll do it! I round the corner ever so quietly, I wait till I hear her washing her hands, I'm going to jump out and give her the biggest BOOOO I can give. Patiently I'm waiting, water is on, timing has to be perfect. Now it's time. I jump around the corner with a loud BOOOO and see this little old lady screaming....she sees my shocked face and starts laughing.... I again, made a mistake! Now that I'm older, and hopefully more mature, you would thing that I'm done with pranks. But no. I still have something in me that likes life's little surprises. I wish I could share more stories, but maybe at another time. There were also times I prayed God would change me and I even tried to change myself and it just wasn't me. So, now I accept myself as God made me and He's even used me a few times. I now pray for him to make me what He wants me to be. While this may take some time....I'm going to enjoy this life He gave me. I pray you will too. After all, God does have a sense of humor.

My Story???

A brand new day. Praise God! I am looking forward to seeing my friend get baptized and then we are supposed to go to Mimi's for brunch. Happy day! It's so encouraging when you witness someone getting baptized. Takes me back to when I was. It was July of 1984. Clay was four and had to go to his dad's for visitation all the way to North Carolina. I remember his dad threatening to kidnap Clay and the fear that almost choked the life out of me, led me to the Lord. My son was returned to me after I dropped to my knees and begged God to show me if He was real because I had been lied to all my life. He showed me. I went to church and at the alter call...ran down the isle, tears and all and asked Jesus into my heart. Because I was saved, I wanted to please God so I was baptized in obedience to His will...not to get saved...but because I was saved. A week later I went to study about baptism and that coming Sunday, I was. I hate to go on and on about how I felt, because as a Christian, it's not about feelings all the time, but let me share. I felt as if all my sins had been washed away! I could float on air. All the shame, fear, guilt and past sins were gone! I could not sleep and wanted nothing but God and to read the bible. Sure, there were scoffers and yes, I did lose all my so called friends, and yes, my family were making bets on how long this would last, but, all of that doesn't matter. What does matter is He changed me. No, not perfect. Yes, I still sin and mess up. Yes, I've walked away in a temper tantrum after my mother died for close to ten years, but He never left me. I came to my senses and ran home to Him. I get to go to church...I don't got to. I get to give...I don't got to. The two thieves on the cross were saved and were not baptized. With God all things are possible. If you are not saved I can promise you something. If you seek Him...you will find Him. If you resist the devil...he will flee. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. You will know Christians by their love. We are not perfect, but give us a chance and once the Holy Spirit convicts us, we will ask for another chance. I'm so happy for my friend as she starts her journey and can't wait to see what God has in store for her. Buckle up is all I can say because it's a great ride!

Tried and Failed

Blogging is a great way to get things off my chest and my heart. It's sort of like therapy when I write or type something and read through what I've written and ask God to show me what He wants to show me. I encourage anyone to try it at least once. Recently, I went on a small out of town trip to visit my sisters whom I love very much. While I was there it was peaceful. No worries, just doing a little house cleaning and movie watching. My sister always has great food and I'm probably up a few pounds but it's worth it. It was great visiting with my baby sister too. She had just returned from Florida and for Christmas, she received a computer. Seeing her enjoy something was wonderful. Everything would have been perfect except I was tempted...and I failed the test. The hardest thing was admitting it and then I just wanted to flee. The drive is one and a half hours so I had plenty of time to really cut myself down. It went on and on. Even though I was forgiven, the shame is almost unbearable. If it wasn't for the Lord, I know it would be a hundred times worse. I had asked the Lord to help me, and in looking back I can see He did. Not in the way I would have liked but in a way that would help me. Being able to talk to my sister has somehow helped me realize I'm not alone. I mean I know God is with me, but He did put people in our lives to help us through this life. I'm not going to say that the shame is gone all the way, but slowly, it's being lifted. I will look upon this experience as the day I was tested and failed, but in failing I have someone who will help me. The one thing I am most grateful is knowing that my sister loves me very much. She doesn't say it a lot, but she shows it all the time. I'm trying to go easy on myself and forgive myself quicker, only because the Lord has. So I will not waste this day, but I will rejoice and be glad in it. May we all learn how to turn to trusted ones for help. Before we know it, He will be here and I want to be found conformed to the image of His son...at least a little bit. May we always turn to our Savior first.

Night and Day

Recently, a friend of mine came to the Lord and got saved. It has brought back many memories of when I first came to believe. When I listen to her share, I could cry at the vast differences between her experiences with the Lord and mine. I thought at first that the reason for her experiences being so positive and mine being such a struggle at times, was the differences in our age. When I got saved, I was in my 20's and she is in her 50's, so of course it's going to be easier. But then I hear about her relationship with her daddy and it's starting to slowly make sense. She shares about how her and her three sisters would squeal with joy when their father got home from work. They would run up and hug him and fight over who got to comb his hair, rub his shoulders, remove his shoes... Then they would rummage through his lunch pail and pick out what goodies were left over. They gave him facials and pedicures. She shared how she and her three sisters would dance with their father and how safe and loved they felt by him. Even on her Facebook, is a photo of her dancing with her father...not knowing that would be the last one... What gets me about the photo is the way he looks at her with eyes full of love. Now, in contrast, and this is not to bad mouth my father (God rest his soul) but when he did have a job, and came home...we had to be quiet! We were not allowed to really talk to him until after he had a nap and dinner. After mom remarried, he was threatened (this is what we were told) that if he came around, he would be beaten by my stepdad. Ten years passed by with no father. In my opinion, they were the most crucial 10 years. I'm not saying there were no good times with my dad because there were. But, us three girls didn't have a relationship with our father like what my friend and her three sisters had. It's as different as night and day. As an adult though, we reconnected and I did have some precious moments with my dad before he died. I did love my father but one time he did say that I wasn't his daughter and that stuck. My relationship with the Lord has been one of testing Him to see if he would leave me...or say I wasn't His kid (I tried everything to push Him away). It took years, and I mean years, for me to figure out that my Father in heaven was serious when He said He'd never leave me nor forsake me and that no one or no thing could snatch me out of His hand. So, I rejoice with my friend and as I share with her my relationship with my Heavenly Father, I can tell her with 100% conviction that once you are saved, you are always saved! Trust me. I would know!!

Peace

Laundry is in the washing machine. My babies are sleeping all around me. The sky is getting lighter and this part of my world is waking up. I feel content. My husband whistles a tune as he joyfully goes out the door to work. There's a song in my heart of praise. My mind at times cannot contain the joy at all the prayers I've seen answered. So, I go to the One who made me with confidence that He not only hears my prayers but answers them in His time and by His will. Right now...this peace that I have in my soul ... is being cherished. May He fill you with His peace today. All we have to do is believe ...

Peace

Laundry is in the washing machine. My babies are sleeping all around me. The sky is getting lighter and this part of my world is waking up. I feel content. My husband whistles a tune as he joyfully goes out the door to work. There's a song in my heart of praise. My mind at times cannot contain the joy at all the prayers I've seen answered. So, I go to the One who made me with confidence that He not only hears my prayers but answers them in His time and by His will. Right now...this peace that I have in my soul ... is being cherished. May He fill you with His peace today. All we have to do is believe ...

Babysitting Hailey

I just came home from having a wonderful lunch and after doing some little chores, happen to come across a baby toy. At first, I thought it was one of my dogs toy, but it wasn't. Last week, I had babysat a little seven month old angel named "Hailey", and it was one of her toys. I absolutely love this baby girl and even though I get nervous (because it's been so long since I've taken care of a baby) she is a joy. This house feels like a home that's full of energy and love when she's here. Well, on this particular babysitting adventure, I was a little more nervous than usual. You see, I was going to have Hailey for seven hours! Happy day! What I was nervous about was not feeding or burping her...and it wasn't about changing her diapers or playing with her...but, it was about nap time. And it really wasn't about rocking this little angel to sleep for her nap. What I was nervous about was what was she going to do when she wakes up and sees that her mom isn't here, but me? Sure enough, she falls asleep and I place her on a safe makeshift bed. Just looking at her little fingers, nose and lips took me back to when Clay was a baby...seems like yesterday. While Hailey is napping, I rinse out the baby bottle and keep checking in on her. As the time is nearing for her to wake up, I lay down beside her and just marvel at how God made us. Then I see her starting to move a little bit and suddenly, her eyes open. I couldn't believe what she did when she saw me, and trust me, I'll never forget it but out of the blue, she focused in on my face and the most beautiful, sweetest, darling smile I'd ever seen, comes across her face. She reaches her tiny hand towards my face and ever so lovingly poked me in the eye....Ha Ha. I carefully pick her up and just squeezed her as gently as I could. To say I was relieved would be putting it mildly but how precious, just how precious are babies? I look so forward to seeing her again and hopefully making more memories with her like I did with my son when he was little. Gosh, time does seem to go by so very fast. In my memories, time is not a factor. It's the events that are the factors. Just the event with no time. Maybe one day I'll learn how to focus on actual events instead of passing irritations or future 'what ifs'. After all, in heaven, there will be no clocks. One day,we will wake up and the face we see will be His and I dont know about you...but I plan on smiling!

When to Call the Physician

It seems a lot of people I know either are .... or are just getting over some kind of illness. Life has been so full lately and I don't want to miss out on any of it! So, I'm doubling up on the vitamins and the latest thing my sister Ganine told me about was fish oil. So, off I run to get some of that! My sister has been for a long time, a Surgical Veterinarian Technician, and she shared with me some informational tidbits, that I hold on to. She said that the biggest challenge in keeping animals healthy is 'preventive medicine' doing what you can so your pets stay healthy (be it horses, goats, cattle, dogs, cats and camels, just to name a few animals she takes care of). The main thing is the diet. She has it figured out with how much grains and minerals she mixes in with the hay, for example. How much and when the dogs eat. Just last night she told me she had to rope her goat in order to catch him and see if he was ok (she had him roped with the first throw). She also checks her animals eyes to look for discoloration and clarity, their gums, to see if they're red or puffy, their coat to see if it's shiny. She rubs her hands around their entire body looking for lumps too. It really is a science. When she visits me, we could be sitting and talking and I'll notice she's petting my dogs but she casually, without them even knowing it, examines them. She is the one I call If I see any of my babies having an issue and without fail, she tells me what home remedies to try. They work. As a Christian, I almost see the bible like that. There really is a lot of information in the Word that can help us feel better...not just physically, but mentally. What some people see as rules...I see as preventive medicine. Here's a few things I recall - do not linger too long over wine...; overeating (which I'm guilty of), learning bad habits with certain people, being anxious for nothing, resting the body, getting time away to your self, and so on. There's a verse that states "all things are lawful, but not all things are profitable"(or good for you). I read that we shouldn't believe everyone, but to test things. Do research. Pray for wisdom. Ask God. Don't talk yourself into an illness, after all "the tongue has the power of life and death". God is all for building up and His Word is very encouraging. So when we don't feel well, please don't get too discouraged because the joy of the Lord is our strength! Even when we are weak, He is strong. Most of the time when I do feel down, I use that time to rest, read His Word, and let Him humble me. Then, this peace...the peace that surpasses all understanding, shall guard our hearts and our minds in Jesus. After all...He did make us and I can't think of a better Physician to have than one who does house calls. May He bless you!

The EKG

Feels strange sitting in this dark room watching the cardiologist preparing to do an EKG on Bob. Over a year ago, this was a very scary time and even though there's a little thought in the back of my mind daring me to play the "what if game", I turn that thought off and look at the screen. It's so strange getting to actually see my husband's heart beating. I watch as they move the 'wand' to different positions and notice lines being drawn and photos being taken. Then, they turn on the sound...and I can hear the beating of his heart...sounds so strong. I notice as I watch the screen there appears to be a flapping valve so I ask the doctor if that's the mitral valve? "Why, yes it is...How did you know?". Well, I use to have mitral valve prolapse, so I've seen a few...and I must say, his looks good. "You're all done Mr. Grey! We will call you if there's any abnormalities, but if not, you should have the report in two days!". He seems relieved and I must say, this is not what happened last time, so I'm grateful. He has to go back to work but as I'm driving home, I'm wondering what my heart looks like. I mean, not my natural heart, but my spiritual heart. Wouldn't it be great to have a machine to go to and instantly see some weak muscles or damaged muscles or scarring that could indicate a past heart attack? Then, the Great Physician prescribes what your heart needs (take two hundred milligrams of love every hour and 100 milligrams of patience as needed)! Then we do a follow-up to see if the medication is improving our heart and if not, up the milligrams? I want to let God who is my EKG (Everlasting Kind God) see my heart openly and fix what needs help. Let Him sand those rough edges off that surround my heart, and let Him sew (or sow) my valves with His love. Then, when we come lay our head upon His chest, listen to His heart of love, beating for His little ones, calling each of us to come...Be Still.

The Letter

Feels like we've gone as far as we can with these marriage counseling tools...loaned to me by a friend when she heard from me that I wanted this marriage to work. We sit at the desk looking at each other and I still feel this wall, this invisible wall up inside me. My husband and I are pretty good communicators with each other but I still feel the wall. Isn't he suppose to be watching some big football game? Why did he insist we do this marriage homework anyway? The hassle of putting the dogs up and locking everything out so that it's just us in this office, seemed hardly worth the effort. We're struggling...I'm flipping through the book we are using and want to scream "nothing in here pertains to us!". He looks at the book I'm thumbing through and starts reading this handwritten letter in it. He asks when I wrote this letter in the book. I was told not to write in the book...I was given note pads by my friend to ensure I wouldn't! But there it is...my messed up handwriting scribbling out my past fears of abandonment. Then, at the end of the letter is a note to my young self, from my current self ... and sure enough...it's signed Bobbie. I didn't write this letter! Why is it printed in this book? We investigate and it is printed in the book?! Trying to chuckle yet realizing this isn't funny...how did this letter get here with my handwriting and my birth name as well as my nickname?! How did this history get here? Is this some weird joke from my friend who took parts of my past I shared with her in confidence, and somehow, through modern technology, print this in this book?! We want to see another copy of this manual to see if this letter is in all of them?! I do see one tiny discrepancy, I never wore glasses as a child, this letter isn't from me...it's too close though. Feelings are coming out, words are shared, the wall is starting to come down. At the end, my husband holds me and says "God wrote the letter to help us". Some things can not be explained... We just might make it.

Being Used The Right Way

Hmmm. She's running a little late and that's not like her. Music is starting when she appears and squeezes by to sit next to me. "Missplaced my keys!" she said. I don't care...I'm just happy to see her here at church. Over a month of attending and she hasn't missed a single Woman's Bible Study on Tuesday mornings either. Seems enthusiastic and has been jumping right in to volunteer to clean and cook at the church. At times I find myself looking at her and wondering if six weeks ago really happened? Wasn't it six weeks ago she bluntly told me she was done with life...hated her life and just had no purpose? Was this the same person? Singing is interrupted with the announcement that today is Communion, the Lord's Supper. Is she saved? I mean...she seems different but can I sit here and let her not participate in Communion...without knowing for sure? The Pastor is conveying the reason for this and who should participate. I feel a slight nudge from the Holy Spirit and turn toward my friend and ask "Hey, have you ever asked Jesus to be your Savior? Has there ever been a time when you verbally asked Jesus in your heart? She looks at me with those big blue eyes and says in an almost pleading voice "I want to...but I don't know how? How do I get saved?". I asked her to repeat this Sinner's Prayer with me only if this is what you firmly believe and want. She replies eagerly "Oh...I do!". So we bow our heads and it seemed like it was only the two of us there. Tears streaming from her eyes...happy tears. There's some flowing from me too. After services, she tells the Pastor with those happy tears...I tell a few strong Christian women friends who hug her and love her up. Your name is now in the Book of Life. This morning, I didn't just go to church. I had a job to do that was prepared for me in advance by God. What a blessing to be a vessel for the Lord. Truly humbling. Thank you Lord!

Fish Anyone??

Most people that know me, know that I have made several mistakes. However, lately I seem to keep making the same one over and over, thinking its the right thing to do. Now, I'm here going over my motives and I am starting to see a pattern...one I don't like. Some have called what I do, people-pleasing...enabling, rescuing, etc. It wasn't until yesterday, I was reading this prayer (which I do daily) from a Pastor back east, and this prayer was actually getting my attention. I mean, they all do, but this really seemed to scream "HEY BARBARA...THIS IS FOR YOU! It was about growing weary in relationships where it's one sided and how we need a drama free zone. So, I asked where is the cut off between giving and over giving. He answered, when you are like a revolving door ... that's always going out. He then went on to say that some people want the fish without the responsibilities of doing the fishing and that we don't teach them how. Wow. Let me go back in time, just a couple of decades. This is while I was still in my teens...on my own with what would turn out to be my sons father, Kent (God rest his soul). I was 17, a rebel with long brown hair, who couldn't take one more day of living with my mom and my stepfather, who mom met the very day he got out of prison. Well, Kent and I were in love so when he moved from Georgia to North Carolina...and asked me if I wanted to go, I said YES! We were living in a trailer in the back woods. He was a very talented house painter, but for the first few months, we had no food. He did what he could with odd jobs..the man could fix anything...and I finally got a job as a cocktail waitress (I know...but they didn't ask for my ID, this is before I knew the Lord people)...and it would be weeks before I got paid...all tips went for rent and utilities. Kent came home and grabbed some poles and looked at me and asked if I'd ever fish? Well, sort of, I mean, mom and dad took us as kids to a park one time...but I never actually touched a fish. He said "Well, we have got to get some food cause I'm hungry and you are 90 pounds now!". Down the curvy country road we go..till he finds a spot, the spot. It took quite a while for him to show me, let alone me to do it, but I got that cricket on that hook. And Kent told me the cricket still needs to be moving because that attracts the fish. I dont know how many crickets I killed. He spent so much time showing me how to fish and then how to gut the fish, and then how to cook those fish. Within a week, I was catching as much fish as he was. Now, I could go on with how big mine were, etc. but you wouldn't believe me if I told you (especially that 5 pound big mouth bass, that once we got it in the boat we found, I was screaming to get it out!)...sorry, couldn't let that one not be included. We really and I mean really lived by the rule of if we didn't catch any fish, we didn't eat. Believe me, there were a couple of times we didn't catch any. Some of my fondest memories were of those years of fishing in the woods, Clayton was a rollie, pollie round blonde headed baby boy and we fished and one time while he was barely able to sit up, he rolled down that small hill, into the water and I never saw a man move that fast in my life. Kent had Clayton hanging from his arm in a split second. We laughed so hard and dried up our baby with love. Keep in mind, by the time Clay was born, we were in a brand new house on Impress Drive, up on a hill with new vehicles, etc. Now, as I sit here rethinking those fishing days, it comes to me how I have deprived people of precious memories they could be telling in their 50's. So, Lord help me really, really pray for wisdom, especially when it comes to my baby sisters, the strength to say no in love, when it really is not helping them. By the way, yesterday was the best day and ended with me watching an angel baby for 7 hours. Love you Haily! Now, get out there and fish! You'll love it!

Who Am I??

Living the Christian life can be so peaceful and rewarding when you let Christ do it through you; however, there are times "I" get in the way. Paul said in the bible, "the things I don't want to do...I do! The things I do want to do...I don't!" I want to do good things .. Not because I have to, but because I want to please God. Then there are those bad things I don't want to do, which all start in my mind, ..that I do! I'm talking about anything from over eating to wanting to hurt someone with my mouth. Not a pretty sight is it? I have a choice today. Today I can choose either for the Lord to fill my mind with good thoughts, thoughts from above. I can ask Him to fill me with His love for others and the strength to help others, or I am free to be my old self. Paul goes on to say "who shall deliver me from this manner of life (or bondage of death)?! Thanks be to Jesus Christ our Lord.". I'm free to choose, and I'm mature enough to know that my choice has circumstances. What if today were my last day? Or, the last day of someone I care about? With freedom, comes responsibility. So...off I go, to my closet to ask God to help me be what He wants me to be. Sometimes, He wants me to be a nut...and I love those days. Other times He wants me to be softer...and I love those days as well. He has my day already prepared, and all I have to do is walk in love and peace through it. It's easy when I get me out of the way...especially my selfishness (ever notice the word 'fish' in selfishness? It stinks.). I write these blogs for self therapy. I read others blogs for encouragement (along with other readings), and I think it's helping me think about this day..the one right before me, now. Tune in tomorrow to see what choice I made. LOL.. bless you all!

What Timing....???

While doing my bible study, there was a question asked and it was...when was the last time you got angry? Now, keep in mind that I have really tried walking close to the Lord and when I do that...it seems that people, places, or things don't affect me like they normally would. I really had to think of when I last got angry. Then, I recalled just this Tuesday?! Can you believe that? Just the day before! I received a call that someone that had changed plans and would not be doing what they swore to me they would. Now, this wasn't a full blown anger fit I threw when I heard this news, but it did upset me. I felt tricked, used and disrespected. So, I began calling this person and, just as I expected, no answer -- voicemail. So, through semi-gritted teeth, I left TWO very sweet messages...it was a chore. The next day, as I continued with the lesson and realized I had to let this go for several reasons...a peace came over me and I was back on track. Not five minutes later, the phone rings, and it's the very person I was upset with telling me she had already taken care of what she promised and was calling to give me a confirmation number! James 1:20 states "The anger of man, does not achieve the righteousness of God". Through this journey with the Lord, time and time again it seems that one of my jobs is to remove specks out of people's eyes, while I have a log in mine. That is NOT my job! My job is to love the Lord my God with all my heart, my strength and my might. Even though I fail to do this throughout the day, it's what my spirit wants to do. It's easier to let go, when you realize it wasn't yours in the first place. May each of us make it a day full of love.

Traffic Jam

This morning I woke up and had some choices to make....I could either have a relaxing, go nowhere day and clean a little, or I could find someone to go with me across town for my weekly Yoga class. Typically, Wednesdays are reserved for my son; however, he is recording music today and could not go. LeeAnn was working so I called a girlfriend and she eagerly shouts "Yes! I'd love to go!". This friend is one who had been going through a tough time and now she is hanging out with me and my friends, family and church. It has been a joy to watch her grow in Faith and have some peace and joy now. The ride across town was pleasant, uneventful, and rather quick. The stretching and relaxing class was a blast and there was even some fruit a person brought in for the class that we ate and it was yummy! All we have to do now is get on the freeway and drive home. Should not take more than thirty minutes, that's one reason why, if I get to choose crossroads or a freeway, I'll pick the freeway. Well...the first sign that things were not going to happen as I had planned, was literally a sign on the freeway that said "crash at 27th Ave.". Since we are pretty much through the worse from the crash, I decide to stick with the freeway. Not five seconds later, another sign is up and states "crash at 59th Ave. and freeway is closed". Praying the victims are going to be alright, it is certainly the time to get off the freeway! I had no idea it was going to take almost an hour to finally get merged over and off the freeway. But something interesting happened. Let me back up...no pun intended. Just prior to going into the Yoga class, this friend of mine asks a question about sin and to be honest, it could not be answered in one word so I told her on the way home, we'll talk about it and perhaps I can share with her my testimony. Unfortunately after class, I forgot and was only focused on getting home. When these signs started appearing and the time was going to be longer than expected, I felt a nudge from the Lord and started sharing with her, not only my testimony but how God has always taken care of me and has never left me. She was in tears and it really made us closer, not only to each other, but to the Lord. Each day, it seems I am learning more and more about God's timing. We can make all the plans in the world, but He is in control and can always change our plans for His purpose. All we have to do is decide to become available to Him. Life is going by so fast and we need to be encouraging people and using our time wisely. It's a wonderful way to live and never gets boring. He is an amazing God!