But...There Are Giants In The Land...

It always amazes me how life can go from one situation to another and when you look back, you wonder, did that really happen, or did I really live that way?  Recently, I started working at a High School as a ParaProfessional, or Teacher's Aide.  I am assigned to assist in four classrooms, with four different teachers.  Each teacher comes with amazing strengths and weaknesses.  Of course, the first year teacher has her work cut out for her.  A new ParaPro, with a brand new teacher, is not the best option in my opinion; however, only God knows what's going to happen, according to His will. 

Week one comes and goes super fast.  I literally am running from my first period class, which is Web Design, to my second period class, German.  There's so much to learn and so many students that need help that these 90 minutes seem to fly by.  After a rushed lunch, I'm running to English III and then my final class of the day...Algebra I.  Alegebra I has the brand new teacher, a little spit fire I'll call Mrs. Loker.  When I first saw her I asked "Did you just graduate and decide to teach?" and she quickly did the "hush, don't tell anyone, especially the kids!" look.  I have to say a more determined teacher, I've yet to meet.  She actually has these students learning Algebra!  Her youth affords her energy and enthusiasm and the students seem to like this class.  However, there's the one student...

Eddie is on the football team, as well as seven other boys in this class.  He is a tad slow, yet at times he comes across like he really cares about his grades. Apparently, if you don't achieve a grade of "C" or above, there are issues with playing football.  From day one, he's been a challenge.  At one point, the new teacher looked at me and said "you deal with him...I can't anymore."  So, with the same experience as she has, I try.  Everyday as I'm going through my day, I'm so excited to be a part of the youth and our education system, that I could  cry.  Then, I remember that fourth hour is coming.  Knots start getting tied in my stomach.  I'm really trying to work with this class, but I have to be honest...it's difficult.  Parts of me wonder if I'm really suppose to be here.

On the fourth week, Eddie is pretty much a hit and miss with his actions, loud mouth and work assignments.  It's Friday.  It's hot outside in this August Arizona heat, and the classroom is super hot and smells like a toilet.  I feel something is going to happen.  Don't know what it is, but I've been prayed over and I'm praying every morning, so I think I'm ready.  We only have 20 minutes left of class, then the weekend.  Out of nowhere, Eddie puffs up his chest and is walking up to a boy just as big as he is, but thinner.  They both have their chests stuck out and their eyes are like something out of a horror film...crossed and all.  Within seconds fists are flying and the teacher and I are scrambling to get over to this fight to break it up until we realize, we are no match for the Palestines.  I'm yelling "Knock it Off!!"  She's yelling and screaming but the only reason they stopped was because they were taking a breath.  I grabbed one and yanked him outside and she grabbed Eddie and kept him inside.  We waited for an eternity it seemed until Security arrived to take these two giants to the Principal's office.  Out of breath and still in shock, Ms. Loker decides to go over the rules of conduct.

I cried all the way home....picturing two little girls trapped against the wall while the fists are flying and they couldn't get away and almost got hit.  The other kids just going crazy and how long it took to calm them down.  Why am I here??!!!  Just one month ago I was enjoying my retirement lifestyle.  Lunch with my girlfriends, traveling to my sisters and son's home, shopping and watching Lifetime Movies in the afternoon.  Now, I'm in a third world country with gigantic kids and at any moment, one of them could snap!  There's no security...well, outside of the Lord.  Why am I doing this??

Monday comes way too soon and before I know it, I'm back at school.  A girl needs me to show her how to figure out the binery codes for web design.  I help her.  Another student needs me to help with tables and a link in a web page.  Second period, I'm helping two boys with their German homework.  Lunch comes and goes.  English III, I'm walking desk to desk to help these students with their assignments, grading papers, disciplining and trying to keep order.  Then, fourth period comes.  The two boys had been kicked out for seven days.  However, I look around and there are several more there willing to take their places.  Ms. Loker and I are stricter than ever...absolutely no one is to get up and walk around.  I am helping several students with Algebra.  They're starting to get it?!  When I see a light in their little eyes that they now understand what x equals.....it hits me that this is why I'm here! 

God had allowed Moses and his people to wonder the wildnerness for 40 years before they came to the Promise Land.  A land of milk and honey.  However, Joshua sent out twelve spies to check the land out and ten of  the spies came back and said it's absolutely wonderful...except....there are giants in the land.  Their total lack of faith in God's ability, afterall He had done for them, kept that generation from entering the Promised Land.

When God does amazing things for me and then He blesses me with a job that's only  been my passion since I was a child, why would I let giants keep me from it?  God isn't going to let anything happen that isn't according to His will.  I trust the Lord with my all.  That includes my job and safety for not only myself, but for my loved ones.  God has done too much for me to wonder if He can....I know He can!!  I just need to trust Him.  Won't you trust Him with your giants....?

Multi-Purpose House Slippers????

While at the store with a friend last week, we happened across these cute pink slippers that caught our eye.  I saw that on the bottom sole part of the slipper, there were these thick short rope like things on them and it sort of looked like a dust mop.  So, it was a dust mop and a slipper, all in one!  I immediately thought to my self, I must get these!  In my brain, which is a scary place to be, I invisioned me sliding and slipping all over my tile floors in my pretty big house and just like the "Scrubbing Bubbles" guy sliding all over the big black bathtub, everything behind him was white!!  So, my floors will be dusted and clean just by me waltzing around!!  Oh joy!!  I could hardly wait to try these on and get to it!  The next day, which is Saturday, I try them on and they fit quite comfortably.  I get to it.  I'm sliding around the livingroom, kitchen, office and since I'm not as flexible as I use to be, I can't twist behind me and look at the miracle, but I am still invisioning it.  When Bob sees me, (as usual, by now he's not surprised by any of my chinanigans) he's trying to think if he should ask "what's up?" or not.  I see him looking at me sliding everywhere and I'm like  "isn't it great!".  I go on to tell him what it is suppose to  be doing behind me.  To end the story, he  spends the next five minutes pointing out spots or hairs that were missed and after completing a 3  foot by 3 foot square, I was quite exhausted and done.  However, if the inventers get a vacuum you can lay on and watchTV while vacuuming, call me. 

This episode prompted me to think of other multi-purpose cleaners and even while things not meant for the actual project are being used, we're finding out that there are multiple purposes to almost everything. 

While praying for some very close friends to me and the situations going on in their lives, I had to wonder "does God have multi-purposes for these incidents?".  Then as I reflect on past horrors to me at the time, I wondered if the Lord had multi-purposes for those as well.  It sort of hit me that when  something out of the ordinary happens, it sets off a chain reaction.  Most incidences set off a domino effect. When I or anyone I love, care about, know or hear of is facing a difficult challenge in their life, I have to think that perhaps that God is using this tragedy, to effect His will in several people's lives.

When my 35 year old cousin who was healthier than anyone I knew - Shawn - got sick, and two years later after fighting harder than anyone on this earth could, passed away, I can't tell you how that affected me.  To see my Aunt and Uncle standing up  there by his casket and sharing with us parts of their lives with him to all of us, it broke me.  To see my cousins and their children suffer over this loss was excruciatingly painful.  To see Shawn's twin sister, Stacy, face her first birthday all by herself without her twin brother, I mean words can't explain the heartache because it goes on and on with the first Mother's Day, etc...  And it still hurts.  But the Lord showed me one of His purposes in that tragedy that He used as a multi-purpose.  That was used on me.  At that time, God was on a back burner.  I wasn't praying, reading, going to church.  I was smoking, drinking and only the Lord knows what else. 

And I have to tell you, God got my attention through that death of my cousin.  I woke up and I straightened up because I realized, yet again, how precious and short life is.  We are only here for a short while, the bible states we're as a vapor.  I've seen vapor's and they don't last at all.  We have a limited time to encourage people and live like Jesus wants us to and love harder than anyone on this earth to touch lives of lost souls who need Him.  I am going to try and remember the Lord's multi-purposes when anything, be it good or sad happens.  For God causes ALL things to work out for the GOOD.  Amen.

Teaching - Learning to Play to the Audience of One

Next week, Lord willing, I may start a brand new job as a Teacher's Aide for High School students.  As I laid in bed this morning thinking about all the jobs I've had, I couldn't help but realize this one is one I thought I could never do even though I use to dream and play Teacher as a child.  You see, I was a high school drop out.  Never thinking at the time how that would follow me the rest of my life.  It's almost like saying I'm a quitter.  Even though there were special circumstances that had prevented me from obtaining a High School Diploma, I did eventually receive my GED.  That's sort of like comparing a quitter to someone who got laid off, sort of. 

This new adventure is both exciting and to be honest scary!!  I have had some great teachers in the past who made lifelong influences on my life in a positive way.  I've also had teachers that abused me and scarred me.  I choose to remember the positive ones. 

As with any new job, I am going to be like a fish out of water, yet it appeals to me because as I prayed about this entire opportunity, I have this desire to see what God is going to have me do.  I want to be a witness for Him.  I'm not saying I can't be a witness for Him without an outside of the house job, because anyone can; however, I'm saying this feels different.  These are teenagers I am going to be hopefully influencing positively.  I love teenagers! 

The fear comes from the usual doubts of my ability, fear of how the teacher's I try to assist take to me, and the fear of doing or saying something that could hurt someone.  I've done that enough in my life.  So, as I begin on this journey, hopefully next Thursday, I know how to silence these fears.  Only by working as unto the Lord.  Each morning asking for wisdom, protection for the students and faculty, a loving and helpful attitude, forgetting myself and seeking someone else's good, and humility along with thankfulness.  Then that peace....oh that sweet peace which I've tasted, will guard my heart and my mind. 

With over 20 years of working in Corporate America and climbing up the aluminum ladder of people pleasing, I remember the fear.  It all stemmed from trying to please everyone, except God.  All those things I fretted over, cried over, drank over....were stupid.  They passed and those great ones now ... where are they?  Now that I know that, and lived through it, I can hopefully remember how this does all pass.  Everything will pass away except for the Word of the Lord.  So, if anyone hears me fretting over something stupid...please make me read the Word, Pray to the Lord and repent.  I want to please Him and play to an audience of one. 

Bite Me!!

When, oh when will I learn to quit being such a pity partier?  Why, oh why won't I learn to let go and let God a little quicker?  I know that if I keep up a tantrum, I'm gonna get what my momma use to say:  "You want something to cry about???  I'll give you something to cry about!!!"  And she delivered.  Who of us wants to continue to sulk and whine and feel blue over a change in our life.  A friend of mine blogged about labeling as if that gives us a right to be the way we are or react to something.  At this stage of my life, I need to start learning a little bit faster and so, as I knew would happen, I got something to cry about!   The day started out as any other hot summer day in Arizona.  Monsoon season is not dissappointing and the mugginess can make your bones a little achy and sleep a little more difficult.  But this change occurred and even though I know it's a great opportunity for my loved one...I couldn't shake this feeling of sadness.  As if I lost something.  So, I did my pity party and I thought it was going pretty good.  I walked around my house dragging my feet.  I went up to Camp Verde so my sister could console me.  All my friends and relatives shared their feelings of encouragement and love for me....so, it was a pretty good pity party.  But by day four, something had to give.  I was served a summons for a "Failure to Appear" on a speeding ticket I received.  A laptop I ordered was missing and other little financial issues popped up unexpectedly.  So, I started this day by praying and thanking God for everything.  I prayed for friends who have loved ones in the military, with the Lord, or unknown.  I thanked the Lord for hearing my prayers concerning my loved one and then after that, I did the dishes.  I did the laundry.  I was still dragging my feet a little, but I cleaned the toilets, three that the Lord had blessed me with.  I mopped the huge living room, foyer and laundryroom floors.  A friend was coming over to study for a test on this job the Lord blessed us with.  I saw spider webs out in the walkway and thought, I better clean those too because I don't want my friend to get bit.  So I swept and as I always do, I pull the webs with the leaves stuck on the broom off and a spider bit me.  The rest of the day was one big laugh.  I laughed with Mel who went with me to the Emergency Room; joked with the nurse getting my vitals; confessed to the Doctor I stole some gloves for a painting project and posed for photos to put on Facebook.  I even recorded the funniest last will and testament I've ever seen or heard and had Mel really laughing with my fake convulsions!  What happened?  I realized that I don't have the luxury of wasting days on pity parties.  So, my loving Father said to me, "You want something to cry about?"  And I get it.  I can laugh now and boy did Mel and I laugh, we even almost wrecked.  It was a good day, because the Lord knows how to deal with me.  And tomorrow, I'm expecting a miracle for a loved one.  God is good and His lovingkindness is Everlasting!

The Dream

I happen to be a mom. And not just any mom. I'm one of "those" moms. You know, the kind that puts their kid ahead of everyone, except God. At the age of 18, I became pregnant and half way into my 19th year, my son was born. He weighed 9.5 pounds and of course, was the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen. At first I have to admit that we didn't bond instantly. There was an issue with breast feeding, but once the Le Leachy Group came over for a few weeks and helped, that was taken care of. Yet, I still had this desire and wanted to go party with my friends and I couldn't because of the baby. All that changed when my baby was in a car accident and I almost lost him. Something made me realize how precious he is and that the Lord could take him anytime. My sister said just yesterday, that God just loaned him to me anyway. So, overnight, I went from an ok mom to an anything goes for my son mom. Thirty two years later, he's all grown up and we remain close. He's still at the top of my list and anything goes. Now, he's moving to Oregon tomorrow, and I've been struggling with the thought of him moving, more than I have over anything; until two nights ago when I had a dream. Clay was leaving and I was bawling and begging like a crazed woman, grabbing onto his pant leg while he drags me and everything. It was so exaggerated, that in this dream, I was embarrassed! Next scene. Clay and I are going on an adventure walk around a block like we did when he was a little boy. When we finished walking around the block, the only choice left was to go around the same block again. Clay and I started the adventure walk, but the adventure was now gone. The last scene. We're driving in his truck, going to Oregon and across this road was a creek...rocks and all. The water was rising and other cars were getting across, but barely. I looked at Clay and said, "whatever you do son, don't stop...just keep going at a steady speed and you'll make it." Then, I woke up. This peace came over me and as I told Clay the dream, he got it. Then he said I should journal the dream, so I am. Now, I'm excited for my son! I'm not saying I won't be sad after he leaves, but it won't be like it could have been. Plus, I'm seeing him in two weeks and flying up there in October! I'm excited for this new adventure walk my son is going on. He can do it!! May the good Lord continue to bless and protect him.

Neat Week

I was just here reflecting from the past week and thought how amazing has it been! I am so blessed that I can hardly believe it at times. Even though my son is moving, the only time I get sad is when I think of poor little ole me, instead of him going to pursue a dream he's always had. We are after all our kids cheerleaders in this harsh world. We had coffee the other day, went to some yard sales, laughed over my blindness and other things. Planning on helping him with his yard sale because he's going to start over. I get to keep most of his stuff he wants to keep here. I'm always so happy when he turns to me. Other than my son, I have so many precious friends. Always willing to help me. Encouraging me and believe it or not, I do learn a thing or two from them. They are encouraging me to write my life story. Very smart women. We had a luncheon at my house this weekend and one of my friends had been to Israel and had the most beautiful photosensitive that she shared with us. How neat it is to see places Jesus walked! I have the best friends in the world, two of us are going to start working and I'm excited about that. I have an awesome sister who lives up in the cooler temps that I got to go see last week to help take care of her and her hubby because they were both ill. What a blessing to be needed and then to hear them both thank me was so sweet. Especially my brother in law... I got to go over to another friends house for lunch and loved it. My Boutique is so much fun. I found some more neat treasures for it. In three days I get to see my son's brother and that's only God that arranged this and even provided me the money and plane tickets. This morning Kate and I took coffee and stuff to the women's ministry and heard a good message and she was used by God to minister to a girl there. Yes, it's been a great week. Thank you Jesus for my life!! I love you!!

CPR Training

Yesterday, a friend and I went to CPR training. It is one of the requirements we will need prior to working with high schoolers. The Instructor was very knowledgeable and has literally quite possibly saved thousands of lives. His primary goal in this class, is to show us the most effective way to accomplish that. I left that class more confident than when I walked in, that if an opportunity presented itself to me, I might be able to save someone's life, or at least sustain them until the Paramedics arrive. We were taught that there are five basic steps to rendering aid to someone in need. The first one was to assess the situation...are they breathing? Then, call or have someone call 911 and ask one person to obtain an AED (automatic external defibrillator...most buildings have one). Start compressions...airway...breathing. I believe everyone with a loved one should be trained especially when it came to the babies. As I was going over the steps in my mind, I couldn't help but think that even if a person was given a second chance, eventually we will come to a time when it's our time to go. If we have never taken steps to ask Jesus to be our Savior, think of all a person would be missing out on... like everlasting life. So, in our daily walk, if I happen to be in a situation where I might possibly be able to save someone's life but I skip all those oppourtunities to care about their soul...what profit is that? The chances of me coming across a physical emergency are probably not going to be as often as me coming across a spiritual emergency. So when life just happens to put me in either position, I need to assess the situation, are they saved? Then I need to call 911, or the Lord in prayer and then try to obtain an AED (admittance to everlasting destiny), then start compressions, airway, breathing...or pressing them to seek the Lord, clearing out debris from their mind on wrong thoughts, breathing in the holy spirit. I want to be able to provide both types of CPR. Not just Cardiopulmonary resuscitation, but also Christian Preparation Response. Let's try to seek training in both of these life alterating moments.

A New Adventure Walk

Hey Clay.....wanna go on an adventure walk with mommy? Seems like yesterday when my son and I first started these little adventure walks. He was probably six when we started walking around the new neighborhood we had just moved into and we loved walking and we loved adventures so every weekend I would ask him if he wanted to go on an adventure walk and we would find a block that we hadn't walked down before and look at the yards and cars and trees. Now he's 32 and he's going on a big adventure walk. An adventure walk to a new state, without me... I am so proud of my son achieving all of his goals he set out for himself. However, I had no idea when he first mentioned this move to me last week, that he would call today saying that his transfer went through and he's moving in four weeks. At first I was trying to maintain the upbeat, happy for you facad, but then the reality of not having lunch with him every week and shopping at farmers markets and the Buffalo Exchange sort of hit me and just when I was telling him how excited I am for him going on this adventure walk, my voice cracked and out came the wailing. The very thing I didn't want to do, I did. We've had some awesome things happening like the fact that his brother from another mother found him after 15 years and we're flying out to North Carolina in ten days to meet him at grandma's house. I mean it's been amazing for Clay and amazing for me getting to witness this with him. These are two huge adventures and they are good ones! I asked him to forgive me for being so selfish and self focused but when he said I was his only reason for not wanting to go, I had to woman up and help him figure out how to move there and how to get his cat there as well as selling his stuff. I mean he told me it's only a two and a half hour flight, so that's only one and a half hour more than it takes me to drive to his house, practically. So, I'm very proud and happy for my son. Afterall, life is full of adventure walks. Some are great, some are sad, but we grow through each of them. Then when the final adventure walk arrives, we will all be together and never be separated again. This is just a temporary walk here on earth, and as long as I'm walking with the Lord, I'm on a great path. So, a new adventure walk for me is starting in August when I begin a new career as a Para Professional as a teacher's aid in a high school. I've always wanted to do this so I understand how my son feels. All kinds of emotions, yet it's exciting. We will be ok. We will be more than ok. It'll just take some adjustments...a different pair of shoes....perhaps....

This Too Shall Pass

"But we don't want to go back there Aunt Cathy! Please don't make us go back!". She seemed resolved not to let us go back to that crazy 300 pound ex con who happened to be our step dad. Aunt Cathy loaded her rifle and waited as if she was guarding her chickens....which, we were at that time. Mom and Ron had a huge drunken fight the night before and blood was smeared on our walls in this rental place we got real cheap because the backyard had a train run through it every hour. Mom slammed a lamp on Ron's head and Ron proceeded to put my moms head in the fireplace, with it burning. Living in the back woods of North Carolina, there weren't any neighbors that could call...even when we lived in the trailer parks they wouldn't call. Everyone was so afraid of him. Well, I can't stand there and watch my mom get grilled...no pun intended...so I call the police. Now us four girls need to get out of there. Our cousin Eddie was with us, and he actually started the fight by being upset over his girlfriend and kicking over our coffee table ... So Ron hit him in the eye and mom slapped Ron for hitting her nephew...oh the madness. The eldest of us, grabs the car keys and all of us take off, including our cousin Eddie, in a four speed truck which my sister didn't drive too well. Up and down the country roads at midnight we went...feeling safer and safer, until the flashing lights got behind us and pulled us over. We all are screaming at what's happening to our mother. So the cop lets us go and is now heading towards our house. Finally, us four girls and Eddie end up at Eddie's moms house. Aunt Cathy, my mom's younger sister. Hours passed and just as some peace starts settling us down, mom's truck pulls up and Ron's with her and he's coming to the door!!! Please Aunt Cathy, don't let him take us!! But mom is now walking up with Ron and opens the door and yells at us to get in the car. My poor sisters are crying and I yell "WE DON'T WANT TO GO WITH YOU RON!!! Mom says "come on girls". So, here we are one big happy family crammed into this truck. I still don't know how a 300 pound man, my mom, us four girls squeezed in that truck, and guess who had to sit by the creep? Me! Home sweet home...NOT. Of course, once we get into the house, he wants to know who called the cops. I said I did and across the room I flew. That was the last time he hit me. Mom left him and she never married again. I look back at that time thinking it was someone else. I almost laugh now at certain parts, but I know it was us that survived that time. That time when mom had both breast removed and this man was so sweet in the beginning. Doctors had mom all doped up back in those days thinking it would help her having no implants. When my sisters were going to get beat, I would say "Don't worry. Before you know it, this will be over and we won't be here anymore and we'll be grown up one day and won't have to live like this.". They reminded me of that recently. And now life is good, mom turned out to be an awesome mom and grandma and saved me from an abusive man and then she went to be with the Lord.

Put Your Armor On!!

He was around 27 when he picked up the phone to call his Christian mom. She answered always in a cheerful voice "Pizon!!". It's an inside joke of ours. I have to tell you something mom, but before I do I need you to put your armor on. I had walked away from the church years ago but my mom never did. I mean she wasn't perfect, but she still believed. I asked her if she was ready and she said, "give me a moment". There's no doubt in my mind what she was doing. I'm sure she was praying hard because she knew I would never ask her to do that unless it was pretty serious. Finally, she said "I'm ready son". Mom, I hate having to tell you this, but I've been hooked on methadone for over two years. Silence. Then she says in her ever loving tone "Son, we'll get help and you'll be off of this and I am going to be with you every step of the way!". She had such resolve and she sounded peaceful, sort of excited yet also scared. She had already lost three relatives to this drug so she read up on it and knew what we were in for. I found this rehab place...she found her charge card and while I'm waiting to be admitted, she's rubbing my knees and legs because the withdrawals felt like nails clawing at my muscles. The doctor comes over and says "the first thing we do is hook you up to an IV full of Amino Acids, nutrients and vitamins.". Mom asks if she can be hooked up to and for a small price, she was. We sat in recliners side by side, them putting the needle in my arm and me watching them put the needle in her arm. Hard to believe this was six years ago. But, it worked. And I don't know what "it" I mean. A part of me wants to say the treatment worked; another part wants me to say my moms love worked; but there is this part where I did see God, and maybe...yet, I still don't want to say it was Him. My mom believes enough for both of us. The End. My son is a published writer and I've read his rendition of this period of his life a few times. This is my rendition. I just love my son and thank God every day for his life. His life is full!! When he was in that rehab and I finally got to see him after 10 days of no contact, we walked around a few blocks and he said to me "I see God everywhere". I hold on to that. I know what healed him. He belongs to the Lord whether he is on the Prodical Son tour or not. He belongs to God and I'm thankful because the Lord told me to let that go. This is therapy for me...a release of this past incident that worked out so wonderfully. I know God did it. I'll never forget the day my son asked me to "put my Armor on".

Forgiven Already??

There was this woman I knew who had a sister she loved very much. She worried about her sister after she found out her sis lost everything. "Come stay with me and I'll help you!" the older said to the younger. So, the move was made and it was fun. As kids growing up, they were use to sharing or taking things from each other, especially things that they loved. As the months flew by and summer approached, the younger sister thought "I'll take this from my older sister because she use to take things from me". So, she took it. The older sister realized what she had lost and little sister had to go. She missed her sister as well as the thing her sister took, but was it really worth losing a relationship that they have had all their lives? So, the older sister prayed to God to help her forgive. God helped her eventually and a new love came over her for her sister. Calls were made, lunches were shared and pretty soon, everything was better than before. But one day the sisters were in a closet sharing clothes when it appeared that the younger sister was crouching down to pick something up from the floor. So the older sister took her hand to help her when out of nowhere, the younger sister looked up with tears in her eyes and said to her older sister "Can you ever forgive me, I am sooo sorry?". The older sister now realized the younger sister was on her knees begging for forgiveness. It hit like a ton of bricks and the pain of seeing her little sister like that ... broke her heart. She lifted her up, hugging her and said, "I forgave you a long time ago sissy!". I still cry when I think of that story because I was the older sister. Then I realized how God must feel when I continue to go to Him asking for Him to forgive me for past sins when He already did. Now I just thank the Lord and try to please Him because of my thankfulness to Him for all He has forgiven me of. I rededicated my life to Him and even that relationship is better. And the thing that was taken, was restored and is better than before. "Whoever is without sin, may cast the first stone". Thank you Lord for restoration and forgiving us.

Nice Little Treat

I was invited over to a distant friend of mine for lunch today. We use to work together when we were Realtors, then discovered we live right around the corner from each other. I had a small gathering at my home the prior month as a luncheon and decided to send the invite to whoever. She indicated she would love to come over. I was thrilled. This friend is the one that interested me in becoming an Antique Dealer and having my own little Boutique. Her home is filled with treasures both from hunting or from making herself. The talent is so mind boggling at times. I love being around women that have these little gifts as 'iron sharpens iron'. So, I go over for lunch and she's preparing a wonderful salad quite different than what I'm used to and I'm watching, asking questions, and learning. It was so great. How she set her table and presented her food was so elegant, yet simple. She head another friend with her and the conversation flowed, the food was wonderful and there was such a relaxed atmosphere that before I realized it, I had been there two hours. With other errands to run, her other friend and I were departing and she made us a wonderful to go plate. Such generosity, and sweetness. I don't know what I was expecting but I had a wonderful time. The only thing that would have made it better is if my Aunt could have come, but she'll make it next time. Relationships take nurturing, time, communication and honesty. I pray our relationship as friends grow and feel especially blessed to be reunited with this friend. Was a very pleasant afternoon.

Onward! Upward!!

In my late twenties, I had been married to a man who was a very strict, religious man. Wonder why that didn't work out?! I remember on one outing, we were in Sedona driving through the back roads with my son, age 8 and my bonus daughter, age 10. The three of us were begging for the car to stop and let us walk around and see the beautiful woods up close. Finally, the car stopped and out of that car we climbed. It was beautiful but I wanted to see where this little trail I happened to notice would lead, so off I go with the two kids following me. We weren't even 15 yards up the trail when the sound of "COME BACK...WE'RE LEAVING" started. I'm standing there in disbelief and made a decision that I was going to see where this trail ended. Afterall, when will we be back, if ever? When was the weather going to be more perfect as it was as well as it being the time of day where the sun was going to set within the hour? So, me and the kids continued. The yelling got louder, and my little poor bonus daughter was afraid, so she turned back to go with her father. I didn't blame her. Then there were two. We hiked upward and onward and the trail got thinner but our excitement got larger. Not only were we on an adventure hike, but we were not sure how angry the yeller was going to be when we got back. About 10 minutes into the hike, we came to a small clearing at the top of that hill and the end of the trail. My son and I sat on an old log that had fallen probably from an ancient storm years ago. Across the clearing was the most beautiful sight laid out before us. All colors of the Fall season were over and around the hills for miles. It was breathtaking! I decided at that moment to look at my son and say "sometimes in life, you have to determine if a goal is worth the price you are going to pay. Then, you do it". When we returned to the car, I have to say that I really don't remember what the price was, the words said, or even the face of the yelling voice. But I'll never forget that view and that time my son and I sat on that log, a small breeze blowing on our faces and the reassurance that this was so worth the impending lecture we were going to hear upon our return. My son and I have been on several more adventure hikes, walks, and trips and no matter the cost, they have all been so worth it...

Mother's Day

The very first memory I have of my mom was when I was probably three years old. Us four girls were sleeping at my grandmother's house, I mean Ma's house, and I fell off the bed in the pink bedroom. I remember mom walking in and I must have been crying because she picked me up, held me close and gently whispered soft words in my ear. Years flew by so fast that before I knew it, I was 37. Going to mom's almost daily for lunch had turned out to be something I (and I know she did) looked forward too. Ma had gone to be with the Lord two years earlier and for the first time, it seemed I finally had that bond with mom I had always longed for. She would always have my lunch ready on a plastic white tray...always with a glass of milk and a Little Debbie with whatever she prepared for me that day. Having an hour for lunch, her and I had a system to utilize that 35 minutes before I had to head back to the Bank I worked at. I remember being so stressed at the Bank and mom telling me to "hang on till ya get your 20 years in"! The conversation this day was about what she was going to do with her time, now that she's not taking care of Ma anymore. We talked about the Senior Center and trips we were saving for. Now, it was time to go and I walked to my car after hugging mom. Just before I get in, I skip back to her and hug her again and plant a kiss on her cheek. That was my calling card. She told me that after lunch with me one day, she had a Dr. Appointment and the nurse looked at mom and whispered "you have lipstick on your cheek"'. We got a good laugh out of that. I get in my car and back out of her driveway waving to her till I rounded the corner. That was it. Ganine found mom dead on the bathroom floor in the early hours and called me. There was a crack in the universe and it took me years to recover. As Mother's Day draws near, I see all the signs and I believe if I didn't have my son, I would probably crack again. I love being Clay's mom, and I loved being my mom's daughter. There's still not a day that I don't wish she were here, but I know now how selfish that is. When I see adults with their mom's, I just want to yell out "hug her as tight as you can because one day...". But I don't, I just think it. She was a good mom. A smart mom. A fun mom. Love your moms everyone...love them while they're here.

How Big is Your House?

When I was about thirteen years old, I remembered we lived in a double wide trailer in Cashion, Arizona. To this day, every time I smell something that smells like rotten eggs, I think of a perfume called "Evening in Cashion". Mom and dad divorced and long horrible story made short, mom remarried an ex convict she met the week he got out of San Quinton Prison. They had eloped. I'm saving money for boots because my friend Mona had a pair. When I got up to five dollars I was so happy. Pulling weeds, cleaning and babysitting paid off! My stepdad (who by the way was 6'5" and 350 pounds) walked up to me and said "give me that five and I'll make five hundred out of it". Me, being part stupid and part scared to say no, relinquished my hard earned money, never to see or hear about it again...fast forward three months or so and I'm on the school bus going home down that dusty dirty road called Durango that we lived on, when all of a sudden a boy with a speech impediment yells out "WHEERZ YOEZ HOUZZZEE??? I'm like..WHAT??? What do you mean where's my house?? I look out the window and what should my eyes behold? Our lot with one big brown square on it where our trailer use to be!! I'm shocked, but most of all mortified and embarrassed! What can I say?? It needed a tune-up?? I get off the bus and while standing there staring in disbelief, my mom and step dad pull up and yell, "get in the car"! Off we drive to a relatives house who lived in Cashion also, and sitting on her lot was a travel trailer. Little did I know that this travel trailer was to become our home for years...all six of us in that tiny travel trailer. What a nightmare! I was labeled a recurring runaway by the State not because I hated my mom but because I was claustrophobic! Don't worry...the State didn't buy it either. Fast forward to today, I have a comfortable roof over my head that I thank God for every day. However, when my friend Gary died so suddenly, I was reminded, this is not my real house. The Lord goes and prepares a place for us that believe...even in His name. Simply close your eyes and say "Lord Jesus, I know I'm a sinner and I need a Savoir. Please forgive me of my disbelief and come into my heart". That's it. Then, when we get to that final blink of an eye, we will all be reunited with our loved ones who knew the Lord. When I saw Gary laying on that gurney, I saw peace...calm....maybe even half a smile. He's absent from the body but present with the Lord ... who is the ressurection and the life. Gary is in his real house now never to hurt or cry or die again. Praise the Lord.

Perfect Storm??

As a young girl growing up, I remembered always being afraid of the end of the world. You see, my parents had been pulled into a Jehovah's Witness cult and back in the day they we told that the end of the world would be on such and such a date. Apparently, my mom figured this was going to occur through a horrid storm. So each time monsoon season came, we would be told to run and get in between the box spring and the mattress because it was after all, the end of the world. I still remember us four girls laying in between the box spring and matress, wide-eyed, being scared with our little dog also shaking. Thankfully, my parents got out of that but I still struggled with the fear of monsoons for years. I even remember trying to make it a game with my son by playing camp out (under the stairway)...of course, later he told me he knew what was up... As an adult I learned that if you have some knowledge about certain things in life, you can conquer fear. So, I watched everything I could on storms and tornado's. What I found were that storms are necessary. Without storms, the new seasons would not be able to usher in. The biggest storms come around the four different seasons. And thus, I find in my life that there are storms that have shaken my foundation and twigs and branches were lobbed off. Yet, it was necessary to usher in the new seasons of my life. To think we are going to cruise through this world with no storms is unrealistic. However, as I mature, I do desire to find that peace I've seen in others as they go through storms and I admire that. As we've probably all heard, "Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes God calms the child as they go through the storm.". Now, I see storms for what they are and while I won't drive in a monsoon...I'm so grateful for a loving God that doesn't allow anything in our life unless it's going to conform us. May we all desire that.

God Doesn't Make Junk

What a busy couple of weeks it has been! And I mean fun busy. I've been going up North to see beauty and visit sisters, nature walking and dining with my son, bike riding and projects with my friends, and even opened up a tiny Boutique I call "Bobbie's Boutique". This all started with a friend I haven't seen for a while and I had sent a list of invitations to a jewelry party I was hosting and she replied that she would love to attend. We had lunch and she mentioned that she needs to stop by her booth. I go with her and see all these beautiful treasures are everywhere. The first thing out of my mouth was "I'm home"! So, four days later, another girlfriend and I are putting up the walls and moving furniture and pricing items and staging items. My little place is opened and I'm always on the lookout for some neat stuff. What I have noticed lately is that there are some items I never would have dreamt people would want...but they do. Then there are items I believe everyone would want, but they don't. As I walk around that big mall, I notice that just about everything is put up on some sort of a pedestal. The lights are on these items and they become transformed from what some may think of as junk...to treasure. It's truly amazing. I wonder if that's how God sees us. Some days I feel like junk, yet His word states that whoever touches me, touches the apple of His eye. He sees us as perfect and as valueable. There is no junk in His house. We are all treasures to Him. We're His kids and He is our Father. How odd that such a new adventure has me finding out yet another nugget about just how much God loves us. May you rest in His arms of love and breathe peace and love into your souls. He loves you....

Taking The Good With The Bad

I'm wide awake here surviving one of the strangest days that involved all of my sisters. It's so strange how one thing said at the wrong moment can set off a course of craziness like none other. Today, the third daughter my mom had is 50 years old. That is what this entire situation is over...or shall I say the catalyst which began it. Miscommunication, false statements, slander, ulterior motives and dare I say, some mental issues made what could have been a great day to celebrate, another argument. It just breaks my heart. All of us played a part in it. Even I got my feelings hurt and fell to the temptation of standing up for myself, which never works, but I just fell. I should be use to being slandered by my younger sisters, but when I heard what I heard, my head was spinning and this was after I had given all I could give to help a sister feel better. So, where do we go from here? Prayer always brings comfort. God's word has never disappointed and the holy spirit settles so sweetly on my heart and in my heart. I so pray they could have this peace. The Lord shared that in this world, we will have troubles, but be of good cheer (or comfort) for Jesus overcame the world. If I could turn the clock back on the part I played ... I would. The dynamics of sister relationships I believe are some of the most misunderstood relationships there are. Those that do not have siblings won't understand this (my son has thanked me many times). Yet, here it is. Instead of the four of us standing together and forming a bond of love, we bite and devour each other with our words. We lie and slander and let venom come out of our mouths and tell who ever will listen these lies. Only God can fix this and I believe He will...it's just when will it stop? Or can it? Will it actually take standing over a grave to realize how senseless these arguments are? I pray not. All I know is I only care about what the Lord thinks of me and He knows the truth. I pray I never feel the need to vindicate myself again. I just want to please God, and I will never stop praying that my three sisters come to know His peace which surpasses all understanding. I pray we learn that before we speak, we ask ourselves, would we say this if the Lord was standing here? Lord,this is too big for me...I give it to you. Bless my sisters and soften their hearts. Fill us all with your love and love for each other. How can we love God, whom we haven't seen when we can't love each other who we have. And, I give you the glory for always making a way when there is none. In Jesus' name.

Wide Awake

I woke up at 2:27 a.m. And could not go back to sleep. So I tried some relaxing techniques, I prayed for people, I was almost getting back to sleep when it hit me....I get to see my son today!!! Now I'm wide awake! Why do I continue to be so joyful each time I know I'm going to see him? Let me think. Perhaps it's because I have several people in my life that have lost their child...or, perhaps there was a time I went weeks, or months without hearing from him and when I did, it was short and there was something not right. My son and I have been through a lot together. As a single parent for a few years in my early 20's, there were times it was just him and I. I remember turning on the oven early in the morning in the dark winter months, and as I got ready for work, I would lay his clothes, socks and shoes on the oven door and place a chair in front of it so that when I finally got my son up, he wouldn't be cold. I'd warm up that old Monte Carlo and wrap him in a blanket and carry him downstairs to the warm car. Some people thought I overdid it with him a bit, especially since he was twelve at the time (just kidding, he was two)...but I couldn't do enough. When I first saw him, I loved him. He was a part of me. As I watched him grow, I couldn't help but be so proud of him and all of his accomplishments. He was so smart, creative, talented, athletic, handsome, funny and most importantly, kind and compassionate. Everyone loved him, yet some were jealous of him, but he usually won them over. He now is a 32 year old man who is a hard worker and loyal to his job for eleven years. We went to San Diego and one memory was me laying on the beach and I looked to see if he was returning from the store on the boardwalk and I see this tall, handsome, fully grown man walking towards me with a hairy chest. That's my baby?! Then I wonder how much God loved His son. Knowing we can't come close to loving the way God loves, amazes me. Yet, a love that great, was the sacrifice God used to show us how much He loved us. Cruel? No. For we are His kids too once we believe. He gave His firstborn, perfect and I mean perfect son for us so that we all get to live with Him in heaven together forever. Right now as I look forward to today, I know only too well that our time together will come to an end and it will seem like we only just got together. Yet I know, one day He will come and wipe every tear away, all loved ones reunited forever and ever, never to rush away again...what a day that will be!

Well I Think I'm Going Out Of My Mind

Yesterday, someone I love very much stated emphatically that she was going to be tested for Alzheimer's. She said she serious too!! I, being the nosy friend I am, ask what brought this on? She replied "I forgot to bring in food for the Ladies Bible Study...yet, I was the one who sent out the reminders to everyone!". I'm just standing there watching her in a near panic and just sort of shook my head... Really???! Because of that?? She then goes on to list several other things she has forgotten. I would have LOVED to have agreed with her, after all, she believed she presented a great case of evidence. However, all I could do was simply shake my head, place a half smirk on my face and launch into what I've done. Isn't that what true friends do? I start off with driving my car through my garage, then I go into looking for my cellphone while I'm talking on it..., and finishing off with trying to put my shoes on while I'm still wearing my house slippers!! I leave out all the times I've gone into a room only to realize I've forgotten what I'm looking for; showing up at doctor appointments on the wrong days...leaving books, purses, and people behind. Once I was in Chicago with Clay (he wanted to tour the city) for my annual review and thinking it was the next day, Clay and I are getting ready for the art museums when all of a sudden my phone rings and it's my boss called asking where I was! Not to mention all the meetings I missed, etc. I mean this has been going on since I've been in my 40's!! So, I've come to realize that when I'm rushed, or not really focusing...these things seem to happen more frequently. Also, when I get excited...watch out!! Haha. So, I humbly realize I'm pretty messed up, yet it doesn't matter because God thinks I'm perfect. I'm also learning the He will use whatever He wants to humble me. Now, I do crossword puzzles and pray for the Lord to help me remember the important things, like ... Love hopes all things, believes all things and endures all things....yet, I'm going to be humbled anyway He sees fit. Sisters, let's comfort each other and learn to laugh at our mess ups, our goofs. Let's grow old together and wait on Him who made us... After all, there was only one perfect man who ever walked this earth...

Walk Along Side

On Sunday evening, our bible study group was presented with an opportunity to walk along side with women who were saved while in prison. These women are going to be released and need someone to walk with them as they find a good church family, as they figure out where to work and to be encouraged in the Word. I've been in many a jail and spiritually, years ago, in my own prison of my mind. As I was telling my older sister about this great opportunity, she let out a "please be careful". I was thinking about this and perhaps I'm a tad bit more excited about this opportunity, I do believe the Lord gives us discernment. I've met and shared with many women and some men and God has always protected me. While I hope to never test the Lord, I have to believe that I've come across dangers seen and unseen and He protected me. Just because someone got caught and served their time doesn't mean they're anymore dangerous than the housewife hooked on pills, or a woman married to an abusive man. If the Holy Spirit is walking along side us and is in us, whom shall we fear. So I pray that I can help minister, encourage, edify,and love whom ever God puts in my life. We are vapors and only here for a little while. The church needs to wake up and start loving people to the Lord. We only have this day...let's not waste it. While I love my sister with all my heart and know for a fact that she loves me, I am responsible to do whatever I'm led to do...always praying for wisdom and understanding. If we don't do it...who will?

Meditate On This...

Last night, out of curiosity, I watched Oprah's show on Transendental Meditation, or TM. Boy, did it seem great and with all the hype of wanting more peace in the world, better health and better relationships, I found myself so curious that I just had to research this. The bible states that we are to test all things to see if they are from God. My friends, this is nothing more than a way to get our minds on something other than the Lord. The Hindu religion is false, yet we should continue and pray for them. I like the idea of reincarnation, this way I don't have to make a decision for Jesus. The only way to get to God is through His Son...not chanting over and over a phrase till you feel a high. Here is one highlight I copied from a website..."TM is false and unscriptural meditation. Like most of the devil's devices, it perverts something God ordained for our good. God ordained meditation, but not meditation on Hindu prayer words nor meditation on our own human wisdom. The meditation God ordained is meditation on his word: Psalm 1:2; 119:97; Philippians 4:6-8 - Instead of Hindu prayers as a means of achieving peace, we should pray to the true God of the Bible. We should meditate, not in accordance with the false doctrines of Hinduism, but on that which is true, pure, etc.". This was from the link below my friends that I have copied. Let us be wise and research and test all things. After all, it is well pleasing to the Lord to meditate on His scripture. A lot of people state the discipline that goes with the TM lifestyle of meditating 20 minutes each day, twice a day. However, the bible states we should "pray without ceasing". We are to WALK in a manner worthy of our calling. Loving each other, dying to self, and praising the Lord. Let each of us strive to be conformed to the image of Christ, yet we realize while we are in this "earth suit called the flesh" we will never be perfected till we see Him face to face. What a glorious day that will be! I love you all and in love encourage you to search the scriptures. God's Word never returns void. Here is that link..though it's lengthy, it's informative. http://www.gospelway.com/religiousgroups/transcendental_meditation.php

Slow Down...You Move Too Fast

What a busy week! I went from watching over a sickly dog to running full throttle ahead, but it was fun. Yet, it's time to come back to where there is balance in my life. I've been planting ferns and flowers, going to yard sales looking for treasures, riding bikes and walking with friends, cooking new recipes I've never tried before, luncheons with friends, some evening lady parties, taking photographs and sending them to loved ones, visiting with strangers who are terminal and encouraging them, it just goes on and on. God has a lot for us to do. And if I try to do it in my strength, I can get tired real quickly. Even when I was questioned about being a Jesus freak by a friend I've know from the bank I worked at, I just laughed and we ended up having a conversation about the issues going on with a daughter of his who is suicidal. People are suffering. But maybe I am a bit too (I hate this word) preachy. So, I have resolved to simply slow down, love as much as I can and forgive as quick as I can, and work as unto the Lord as best as I can. However, I need to rest when I can and pray for peace. All around me are sisters hurting, friends needing jobs, people struggling with addictions and loved ones grieving. If I can just help one, I pray I can. Like that song that goes "if we are the body, why aren't our hands reaching". All of us have a part, no matter how small to try to encourage each other and help. Yet, we have to rest and breathe in His peace, and exhale our fear and stress. Life is great. God is good. All the time. Yet God did create a Sabbath rest. Not necessarily Saturday, but if that is your day where you can rest, then rest. Read a book, go for a stroll, movie, picnic. Enjoy nature, music, life. Get to feeling groovy all over again. Put away thoughts of what needs to be done. Focus on your heart beating, your pets happiness, the roof over your head He blessed you with. Take time to meditate on His word...to be still and know that He is God. Try it. I am.

Different Strokes

A friend of mine went out of town and asked me if I could facilitate one of her bible studies she happens to lead. This friend is a born teacher. She has always helped me with figuring things out and I've learned a lot from watching her too. She's just one of those people that loves to help others and was a born teacher. I guess you could say, that's one of her special gifts. About two months ago, we got to see someone come to the Lord and she said something like "sharing like that makes me nervous". I pop off the mouth, because I'm never nervous with that, and say there's nothing to be nervous about because it's the holy spirit working through us and it's like we're not even doing it. Sure enough, she is approached to go witness to this terminally ill lady and asks if I'll go with her cause she gets nervous. I'm excited to and the calls start. Long story short...weeks have gone by, phone tag is getting old now and my friend makes up this beautiful gift basket and as she's going out of town, she asks me top drop it off. I do, me and the lady talk and she is a believer and is assured of her salvation. My friend is so happy and relieved. Now, I'm going to fill in for my friend's bible study when all of a sudden I'm shaking. I'm scared. I don't know any, and I mean not one, of these ladies. And they are very intelligent women. I kept messing up...everything out of my mouth was backwards (and I only said two things) I couldn't wait for this bible study to be over. As I'm driving home shaking my head, I ask the Lord what was that all about. Well, He showed me! Just because one of His kids gets nervous in doing something for Him, doesn't mean they are not letting His spirit work in them all the way. It's simply because we all have different gifts. However, that doesn't mean we can't be stretched out of our comfort zones occasionally to do His work. Wow. I get it now. God can use anyone of us to accomplish His will in any area He desires. We just have to be available and prayed up. I learned a lot about myself, and the Lord last night. He doesn't always want us comfortable. He wants us growing...actually conforming to the image of His son...and until the day we go to be with Him, we should be expecting the unexpected.

A Tale of Two Sets of Two Sisters

The week has flown by! Where does the time go? It seemed like each of us had a test of some sort going on in our lives this week that didn't seem like it was going to end. Some of us were having horrific physical problems and others were having emotional, lack of faith problems. We were either ministering to people, or we were being ministered to. What a neat balance to have. Out of curiosity, I looked up the word "balance". It stated: A stable situation in which forces cancel one another; equilibrium. In reviewing this week, I now see the balance of the entire week that happened between to birth sisters and two Christian sisters I have. Had I stopped on day three out of seven days, this week would have been totally off balance! This week could have been a movie where it involved all these sisters. Each sister going into the week in total doom....being either physical or spiritual doom. I was spiritually in a place of doom because of my lack of faith. Then, a friend was feeling doom physically as her body convulsed with sickness. Another friend had a spiritual issue where she wondered if someone was going to get ministered to before they passed away. My two birth sisters were struggling also. One with being in the throws of grief and the other one watching this sister grieve and not knowing what to do for her. These were all battles in one way or another where I believe had we not been there for each other...we might have surrendered over to the doom. My friends encouraged my mind and helped not only my faith increase, but helped me by assuring me that it was sort of normal to feel certain ways. The friend with the sickness was ministered to not only by words of encouragement but by soup and a visit. My other friend was ministered to by a plan of taking something over to a person needing the Lord and another friend making the trip to ask the questions and find out the answers. Everything and everyone working together with the Lord right smack dab in the middle! He orchestrated everything perfectly!! I was giving an ear and encouragement to both sisters of birth, while my spiritual sisters were giving to me words of encouragement and gifts! It was such a balance!! Now, to sit back and reflect on this week is such an eye opener to just how great God is!! He takes care of details....He keeps me balanced. Only God could have worked out this week as great as He did!! I love you Lord and your ways never cease to amaze me!!!! Thank you!!

Worry? Who, Me??

Whew! What a crazy couple of days spent worried sick over a dog!? What happened to my faith?? What happened to praying and believing? What happened to trusting the Lord with all my heart?? Friends are bringing meals over??! People are calling and writing to see how my DOG is doing?? Where did my balance go and how on earth did I let it get so lopsided? The week started off great, like any other week, except my baby, Buster, seemed tired. I carried him to the back yard and while holding him I prayed, Lord, please heal my puppy...I love him and thank you for always hearing my prayers according to your will. Amen. He got worse...now he can't walk. Monday morning, even though my sister who has worked on animals for 30 years, tells me it's gas, after I give her all symptoms, I get more and more uneasy. So, off I run to the nearest animal hospital. I won't go through all the stuff that entered my brain, but none of it was hopeful. After all the testing, X-rays, and examinations, they tell me it's gas. However, they want to run several more tests just to make sure. Well, the bill is already passed five hundred, so I decline and take Buster home. Now, I'm on the phone with my sister every thirty minutes with the next thing to do. There's no sleep and now fear has consumed me. He is licking a little yogurt though...and he did drink some water, but still, fear is there. I'm now crying, wondering why isn't he running with the other puppies? Tuesday, no sleep for three days...missed bible study, missed lunch with a friend, missed helping another friend. I'm now so tired and worried that I just can't do it anymore, so I let go. I finally get sleep, I finally eat. Buster is better. Now, I'm embarrassed and upset with myself. Oh me of little faith... The Lord couldn't have sent anyone better than my sister, but because I had allowed this fear in, not even the animal hospital could comfort me. Why? Because there's something about caring for something that can't tell you exactly what is wrong... Like a baby, it's horrible when you can't get them to say what hurts. There is something about verbalizing what's wrong that can ease a burden. I never went to the Lord asking Him to take my fear...to fill me with hope. All that worry had nothing to do with Buster getting better. I pray the next time fear comes in, I verbally ask the Lord to shield me and fill me. I pray I remember this loss of four days and the peace I needed to feel from the Lord. There's a huge difference between being concerned and being worried sick. Did it really show how much I love my dog, or did it show how little I trust the Lord? Let me pray next time, like Peter prayed, "Lord, I want to believe...help me with my unbelief...". Now, time for me to go eat crow....

Rejection Hurts

This weekend went by very fast. My garage sale went pretty smooth and I met some nice people. One lady in particular really was interesting. She bought some big ticket items because they just bought a second home in Arizona. So, she paid for her items and said they will need to get a truck to pick up the bigger things. She seemed worried that I was going to sell the entertainment center again for more money. I assured her I would put a sign up indicating it was sold, but she wouldn't leave till I did. I had several other people, but when I noticed her fear, I promptly found some paper and wrote "SOLD". She asked for my cell phone number and off she and her husband go. Garage sale is over when my cell phone rings and it's Pat (which is this ladies name). She asked if she could pick up the entertainment center Sunday morning. I said sure, however I would be at church from 9 something to 11 something. I assure her that I'll put it in the courtyard by the front door for safekeeping. Sunday morning comes and the thought hit me that wouldn't it be nice to simply offer her several kitchen items that didn't sell for free... So, I grab paper and pen and write a note stating that. I decorated the note (tricks I've learned from my gifted friends) and found a beautiful big golden bowl with matching plate. I place that on top of the item. Church was great, and as I pull up I see the cabinet is gone, but then I couldn't believe what I saw. The beautiful bowl and plate were left on the ground...in the dirty rocks. Why? Perhaps she didn't like it, or she thought I left it there accidentally?? I don't know. Sort of hurt my feelings a little when all of a sudden I was thinking if this is what Jesus feels when He offers the gift of salvation, only to see that we won't take it. When He offers peace, yet we prefer stress. When He shows us how to handle life through His Word, yet we don't pick up the bible. I feel good offering what I had as well as my friendship to her. Yes, maybe she'll call but more importantly maybe we will start building our relationship with the Lord stronger by communicating through prayer and reading His Word.

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The Sound of Silence

I'm home all alone...well, not totally alone...my six babies are here sleeping on my bed in their designated spots. Curled up in their little fur coats. I love my puppies! Yet, it's totally quiet...all I hear is a slight ringing in my ears...nothing new. Lord, are you here? Ah..yes, there you are. So I'm not totally alone. This makes me think of Mom Cranford, 84 years old, lives in a trailer in the woods of North Carolina. Within six months, lost two sons who had been living with her for over 10 years, to cancer. I ask her if she's alright living there all by herself and she replies "Yes, because I know Jesus is here and at night I curl up on my recliner and ask Him to just hold me .. And He does.". She has this unbelievable assurance that her boys, whom God loaned her she reminds me, are back with their Father in heaven and she will, most definitely will, see them again. She grieves, yet not like those who have no faith. It truly is comforting to me to know she's going to be alright. She reminds me that every day is a gift from God and she praises Him for every day. We have amazing conversations that last at least an hour. Each of us taking turns sharing our favorite scriptures and miracles we've seen. Then I think of my sister, who lost her daughter, my niece, Angela. The doctors said Angela had 19 heart defects and wouldn't make it a year. However, God allowed us to borrow her for 25 years. She went to be home with the Lord three years ago, come this Tuesday. My poor sister, how I ache for her grief...she shared the guilt she had, as if that contributed to anything the Lord decides. I pray that the Lord will give her some peace and remind her daily that Angela is with the Lord. We will see her again. I so want her to have some comfort like Mom does. Maybe soon she will. I believe she will. Life is short and not only are our loved ones only here for a little while, but so are we. I wonder if we knew how much precious little time we had with each of them, if we would love them harder, forgive them quicker and really listen to their hearts. My Aunt and Uncle lost their only son and yet, they recall some precious times they had with Shawn. He was 35 and very healthy and handsome. Prime of his life. Who would have thought....? This sound of silence I hear helps me reflect on people in my life that I love. It reminds me that we are vapors...here for a little while to love people to Christ... Let's take the time to be in a quiet moment and allow the Lord to speak to us, to teach us and to fill us with His love. I ask you Lord to fill me with your love! Give me wisdom and understanding. Help me think on good things, above, not things on this earth. Let us curl up on your lap and ask You to hold us. Let's be still....and know that You are GOD...

Goodbye To Stuff

Yes, it's that time of the year. When I go through my closets and cabinets and have my annual garage sale. I don't know why...but I absolutely love doing this. First, I get to meet the neatest people, then I get to give them a hard time haggling over a price, some stuff I get to just give away or charge a dime, last year I made a man open his wallet cause he was buying something for one dollar and said he only had twenties and I didn't believe him...but that was all he had. It's just fun. This year my baby Christian Debra is going to be with me because she has some items to sell and I can already see us just swapping our stuff and calling it a day! LOL! We have the exact same taste. Then whatever money we make is already spent because I do this sale for one reason, and one reason only...my son's birthday! However, I can't help but think how great it's going to feel to have more room in my closets...more room in my cabinets. Able to better organize what the Lord has graciously loaned me to manage. The feeling of someone looking at something I have and wanting it and taking it to their home to enjoy now. The three and one half hours will go by fast and stuff left over will be donated. Whoever invented these sales invented a great thing. It's also a great way to witness. One year a few Jehovah Witnesses came by and we started chatting and when I told them I use to be one, they asked what made me stop witnessing for the Lord. I was so happy to share with them how my life is a witness and how much I love that Jesus did it all for us when He died and rose from the dead. It was pleasant and easy and above all, it was the Holy Spirit. My team is coming over to help me get stuff fixed up for the "eye appeal" and I'm just excited. I love the Lord, I love my life and I never dreamt it would have been this great. Sure things happen and it almost breaks my heart but stuff is going to happen with or without the Lord. I'd rather have Him in my life because He is my peace and my comforter. I believe He is going to take care of my son and all my loved ones as He woos them to Him! I remembered a part of my dream I just had last night (this is true) and it was a Scripture being spoken over and over. The Scripture was WHILE WE WERE YET SINNERS, CHRIST DIED FOR US. The joy of the Lord is my strength and I love Him!

Running on Empty?

Recently, a friend sent a cute photo of a gas dial where the needle was in a particularly common place "EMPTY". The strange thing about this photo is she has seen my gas tank at this point more than most people. At first I reasoned that I'll fill up later because there are more urgent needs now that need my attention than stopping for fuel. Then I have to admit that I actually don't like gas stations...I've had a few issues shall we say with some hoses being dragged around due to me not putting them back in their proper holders. Always rushing. Then there's that smell of gas that really brings me some bad memories because as a child I accidentally drank gas and had to have my stomach pumped. I thought it was cool aid...cool aid that needed more sugar! I laugh now, however, seriously, that was the Lord watching out for me even at that age. Then, I notice what was written below the funny photo. It was this: “Many of us harbor hidden low self-esteem. We deem everything and everyone more important than ourselves and think that meeting their needs is more important than meeting our own. But if you run out of gas, everyone riding with you will be left stranded.” (T.D.Jakes) ♥ I hate to admit this but this recently happened. I felt spiritually, physically and mentally empty. I thought I was doing things for the Lord...trying to be all things to all people, and it caught up with me. After many sleepless nights, I felt empty. But thanks be to God, He placed Godly friends who prayed for me. What Satan meant for bad, God turned into something good. I'm not a spring chick...I can't keep running on empty. What's crazy is I don't have to do all this running. I'm the one getting on people when I see them doing too much. Like the flight attendant's say in case of an emergency, place the oxygen on yourself first, then the child. I am so thankful I have Godly friends that know me well enough to know when to pray and when to say "STOP". So I did something this morning I haven't done in a long time. I went back to bed and slept. I woke up feeling refreshed and renewed in my spirit, emotions and my body. Im going to start taking care of myself and practice what I preach for a change. It's gonna be a great day! Thank you Lord!!

The Sisters

Anyone that has known me for a while knows that I have sisters....three to be exact. We were all born relatively close in time, maybe 18 months apart being the furthest. With this set up comes both good times and trying times. The one sister that I feel most connected to of course is my oldest sister. She stands in the way of me being the first born, but now as I looks at her road, I'll gladly take second. The sister one and a half year younger than me, is an enigma. One day she's up and almost too up for me, the next day she's MIA for weeks at a time. Then there's the youngest, likes to help, loves to gives advice, loves children. Each one possesses talent. The oldest, can take are of any animal and person for that matter. Has a deep heart but won't let you love her too much. She can also tell you what she sees and I'll admit, at times the truth does hurt. But she doesn't do it to crush anyone, at least I hope not. Then the middle sister is very creative, a great homemaker, great at facials, yet has a hard time finishing her goals, almost as if she's afraid of success. The youngest sister is unique in that she sees treasures in items that I would normally walk by. Loves to collect rocks, loves her girls, is a hard worker but needs her quiet time like we all do. When we all four get together, it can be either the best time or it can involve the police. But I wouldn't trade them for any other sisters because they are mine. I may say things in frustration at times, but if anyone else does...watch out. Funny thing now is we are all going through menopause. We didn't know it though until the eldest one told us, as well as told us what supplements we need. Now when we have a disagreement, we have something to pin it on. We complain about the hot flashes, mood swings, weight gains, fatigue, headaches, insomnia, but at least we have each other to talk to ... When we're all talking! Haha. I love my sisters. Some I could hang out with for days and some an hour will do, but I still love them. I couldn't imagine growing up without all of us together. I love you sisters!

Walking Through Someone Else's Fire

About three years ago, I met a lady at church who was just beginning to walk in a fire. She lost her home, business, so-called friends and on top of it, her health was not good, her family was at odds, her dog disappeared (yet, the Lord had mercy and the dog was found), her faith was tested. I decided that the good Christian thing to do would be to take her for coffee. First thing out of her mouth was "I can't afford it"...I said , let me take care of it. My gosh, it's just a cup of coffee, I thought to myself. I had no intention of befriending this woman because I didn't feel we 'clicked' if you know what I mean. But soon, one coffee led to another, then as she shared all her fears all I could do was pray. She had some bitterness, but not a lot especially how this could happen when they had worked so hard. It wasn't until years later she told me how they started trusting in things and little on God. How many times have I done that...through these years we went on camping trips, luncheons, long walks, moves, and my least favorite "American Idol" haha, but it was fun. I had no idea that down the road my heart was going to be broken...that an alliance was going to be crushed my money gone like overnight (and God had mercy and another friend fed me) and that my marriage was going to be dissolved. She was there, even at the court. She was also there when I threw caution to the wind and did stupid things and she never judged me. She just loved me through it. And it wasn't long that I was able to forgive, move on and get back closer to God than ever. I see this in her too. Now I realize that it wasn't me walking through her fire with her alone, but Jesus was there. And He had her walk through my fire with me. That's what we should do. Who of us know what each day will bring? If I were you, I'd try to make some good Godly praying friends. For without them, life as we know it would be much tougher. A friend at times can stick closer than a brother.

What I've Lost vs. What I've Gained

When I was 24, I asked Jesus into my heart. This was on a Sunday night. The next Monday my girlfriends and I went to our favorite lunch place from our jobs as legal secretaries. As we sat around this huge booth, one of the girls was so excited she was practically foaming at the mouth when she announced "my attorney won a huge case for Chip N Dales and has given us tickets to so that we can go see these men strip for free on this Wednesday night!! Now, as embarrassing as this is to admit, I was always an anything goes kind of girl and had this happened a week ago...who knows. Around the booth they went to see who was in....when they got to me, I simply said that on Wednesday night I am getting baptized. Not only could you have heard a needle drop, but I don't ever remember in all the times we had been going there, the check coming and being divided that fast! Off they ran as if I had told them that I was having a procedure to get rid of a hideous contagious disease! I laugh now but I must say, I felt alone. My friends were gone and I hate to sound paranoid but when I entered a room, this hush came over the place and people left. I don't remember one Christian coming along side to tell me this was not only normal...but a good thing. So, the Lord delivered me, promoted me and put Godly friends in my path. I worked at the Bank now and Christians were everywhere. My first day after Thanksgiving, the Executive prayed at the table before we ate. We had weekly bible studies and saw prayers answered. For 20 years, the Lord allowed me to witness and even lead people to Him. This chapter of retirement I find myself in has blessed me with the greatest friends ever! My Aunt and Uncle and I have never been closer, I have a Godly mother in law who is a prayer warrior even though she just lost two sons in six months. I thought God was going to turn me into a robot, but all He has been doing is sanding off some of the rough edges around me and my heart. I love deeper and I cry easier (which I sort of don't like), but it doesn't matter. What my cousin Shawn wrote before he went to be with the Lord was "the only thing that really matters is our personal relationship with God." He was right!

Friends

As I was waking up this morning I happen to think about my friends. Sometimes I like to go back to the time when I first realized we had crossed that line from acquaintinences to friendship. I have to admit, some of my long time friends were friends the moment we met. Then there are those friends that I didn't think I really wanted to befriend because they were too much like me! Then there are those friendships that occur when the chips are down and they latch on like a bulldog to see you through. There are also those friends that you really didn't realize we're friends till they were gone. I even have friends I rarely see, however, once we hook up again, we never lost a moment. There are those friends I consider closer than some of my sisters, yet there's a sister that is over all of my friends. My closest friends and I do try to get together once in a while and share an afternoon. Today happens to be one of those days. We are off to the zoo! Then to a fancy restaurant called "Dillons"! It's a beautiful day to do this. I can already see the four of us pointing out things the rest of us would have not seen. This outing is in honor of my friends 50th Birthday. She's finally going to become one of us in her fifties! What's so odd, is she is the most mature one out of the four of us! LOL! When it was just her and I, we would walk miles just talking about our past, our thoughts and our future hopes. This was one of those friendships that, for me, happened when I first met her. She had everything I wanted as far as she is very smart, yet doesn't flaunt it. She's very pretty yet very modest. She doesn't act one way at church and another way at home. She shares from her soul, yet when she does it, I see her heart in it and learn. She's not afraid to be an open book, yet she's rated PG. She's God-fearing, a great wife, fantastic teacher, good listener, insightful, not afraid to share her thoughts when you ask, yet she's very tender. Yes, we've had some bumps in the road, but all that did was bring us closer. I love her and I pray she has a wonderful day today. I am blessed to have the friends I have. May the Lord help me to show each of them what they mean to me...

Dog Tired?

Have you ever felt like you've hit a wall and you just want to take the phones off the hooks and close all windows and just hide under the covers so you can rest?! Do you find yourself behind in cleaning, paperwork and errands? Is today the day you just want to stay home but you have too many people depending on you? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions then I have some news that you probably weren't ready for. But, you are blessed! Yes, and very blessed in deed! I find my self in this same area and as I groaned to walk to the coffee pot at five this morning I'm thinking, there are those that didn't sleep in a bed last night...that don't have a coffee machine, that don't have covers, house slippers, a robe, that don't have pets that love them, or friends that need them, or family. There are those that can't walk, or wake up in a hospital, or worse. I'm not saying this to bring anyone down, but I think for me, I need to change my thinking! I am blessed! I mean not just for things mentioned and seen, but for things unseen! I have the joy of the Lord who is my strength, I have a purpose for my life and a God that works through me! I have fantastic Christian friends and the best church in the world not to mention the best Pastor! I have the Holy Spirit to guide me and give me wisdom and understanding! I have God watching me and loving me, only seeing the good in me?!? I get to pray, read, share, give, love, breathe and bask in the sun (son)!! Please remind us Lord to be grateful and count our blessings! Please don't let me give in so quickly to murmuring, which your Word states is up there with murder!? I want to be found praising you knowing that each step I take, each beat of my heart, each breath I breathe in is only because You gave those to me! Even when those are gone...drumroll please....I go live with you in heaven for ever and ever in a new body that doesn't get tired or old! I'm beyond happy I woke up dog tired because this is just a test ... Greater is He who is in Me than those that are in the world! When I'm weak, He's strong!! So, I have a decision... I can walk by the Spirit!! Then I won't carry out the desires of the flesh. Thank you Jesus for. My life!!

Daily Bread

Yesterday, I had lunch with some friends and the Lord's prayer was read by a baby Christian from a version I don't believe I've heard before. When it got to the part of "give us this day our daily bread", it had the words "day by day" at the end. So it read, give us this day our daily bread day by day. I sort of liked that day by day mention and felt led to share about the Israelites telling Moses they were hungry and God made bread come down from heaven called Manna. Each morning the people ate this moist bread that appeared on the ground and were filled. However, when they went to save or hoard some bread for the next night (or, if I were there, a late night snack), the bread would spoil. Therefore, they couldn't save any for the next day but had to rely on God day by day for His bread. The bread of life. I have to admit, when us four girls were children and we got some ice cream, we would try to see who could eat it the slowest. The part that was troubling was it wasn't so we could really enjoy it later (because ice cream melts) but for the enjoyment of being able to eat it in front of the sisters that had already ate theirs up. Some of us would bargain with those that had so that we could get their portion. Some of us simply took it from the younger ones. But the point I'm getting at was the motive. Do we save things so that we have the delusion of security in the future? Do we save things so that our sisters might see them and want them? Or, do we save and obtain so that we can give freely, what has in a sense been given to us? Only God knows our hearts. The older I get the healthier I believe it is to live in this day, fully enjoying what we can share, give and use. After all, we are only really here for a moment. We are like vapors that are here for a while and then gone. How would today be if we thought today was our last? How would I be? I think I'm going to try to live day by day. Let go of yesterday, not fret about tomorrow but look at today and all the neat things the Lord is going to put in it. Sounds peaceful...

Tested and Passed!?!

I am hitting a wall....I'm mean spiritually wiped out, but the Lord saw me through and I can say after a huge WHEW, that I'm glad that test was over and I think I passed! In James we've been studying to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. I have to say, I cannot do any of these three, but with God, all things are possible. He actually has been reminding me to be quick to hear. It has been truly amazing. I have even had several occasions to be slow to speak. Yippee! I'm moving right along. Then a question came up on when the last time I was angry. I couldn't think of a recent time. All of a sudden - BAM -!!! Something happened that really made me angry. Something was said and done and I was mad. This was from someone that was supposed to love me? At first I was like, Lord, give me the right words to say when I go to confront this person!! I want to speak the truth in love...well...through gritted teeth, but make it sound like love! I found all the scripture that even backed me up in confronting "the erring brother". I'm pretty ready and I'm praying for the perfect time too. It's just around the corner!! I'm almost excited about how much scripture I found that really backed me up! The event was scheduled and when I heard that the very person who had done this HUGE injustice to me was also invited, I was like...this is perfecto! Of course I'll be civil, in a chilly sort of way, but afterwards, when it's just the two of us (because the bible says to first go to the person privately), then I'll let it out!! After all, it's really for their benefit, so that they learn not to do this again because they've done it several times...I'd even go so far as to say they've done it 70 times 7! The day has arrived. I'm prayed up and ready. As a matter of fact, I'm more than ready! As I'm driving for the event, I can hear this gentle, and I mean ever so gentle "let it go" in my heart. You've got to be kidding!? No...let it go. I replied, I don't think I can. The voice said "give it to me". I don't want to.... But...but... Ok. I let it go. Reluctantly at first but with each passing moment, the Lord let me see this person through His eyes. The offense is gone. I didn't even realize it till days later. The pain is gone. What good is it my brothers if we only love those who love us? Thanks God! I finally passed a test and I didn't even know it was one ... till just now.

Time to Grow Up

And not a moment too soon, I might add! Haha. The older I get, the more I realize that I can't blame people, my upbringing, even the devil for the things I do that are wrong. I have the ability to choose to do or not do things that are not good or healthy for me. I have been playing around with a habit for a number of years (this isn't pretty, but it was smoking). It wasn't until a month ago, I sincerely asked the Lord to free me from this habit. I thought back to why I had picked up this habit after not doing it for ten years. The answer came like a lightening bolt. My mom and I were very close and one morning she went to be with the Lord...without even a goodbye or a warning. It seemed that just as she was starting to relax and enjoy life, at the age of 57, she was gone. The pain was like a knife that continually twisted in my heart and the anger at the Lord for allowing this, was fierce. I had been a Christian for about ten years at this point, and I knew our days are numbered, but I thought this was cruel. So, I had a very, very long temper tantrum. It was so awful that I remember my Uncle asking me if I were really saved...Ouch. By God's everlasting loving kindness, I came back to the Lord...but I came with some habits. I still cry at realizing how long His patience is because I am so thankful. He lead me to some strong Christians, not babies. He put me in a church that teaches the Word and doesn't water it down. He's put a song in my heart and a desire to grow and makeup for some lost time. I'm involved in sharing His fantastic grace again like I use to be but with more love. The bible states, when I was a child, I acted like a child and I reasoned like a child, but when I became mature...I put away childish things. With maturity, comes responsibility and accountability. I want to be found doing what is pleasing to the Lord, not my flesh. Today, I want to walk in love and truth. I want to be a pleasing aroma to the Lord (not a smoky one...teehee). Let's come together and encourage each other to please the One who made us. It's a great ride!

How Long Can A Purpose Last?

I woke up this morning (which is always a good start) and I was thinking of a conversation my mother-in-law and I were having the other day about life. You see, she is 85 years old and a month ago, both of her grown sons, who lived with her, had gone to be with the Lord. Now, she is living by herself. I call her frequently because I love her and have known her since I was 16. Even after the divorce from her son in which she didn't blame me, I kept in touch and she did very well keeping in touch with me! However, I have to admit at times I am concerned for her living alone. We can talk for hours so in one of these conversations I asked her if she was ok living alone. She told me, she never feels alone. It's always her and the Lord. When she opens her eyes, she knows she is there for a purpose. She admits she may not know what the purpose is, but she knows she has one. I can readily see one of her purposes and that is prayer. I call her all the time for prayer and I believe when I asked her to pray for a friend of mine to know the Lord, it was in part due to her prayers. She has the sweetest relationship with the Lord and thanks Him for everything. One time recently I had mailed her a little money, and when I called her days later, she asked "how did you know I was going to have to pay for a tree to be removed?". Of course I had no idea, but the Lord did. I also love how when she gets frustrated, she shares that too and I get to watch how it works itself out. She's honest with the Lord and those around her. I pray I get to treasure many years talking to her and laughing with her (she also has a great sense of humor). We never really have ended a conversation though without comforting each other with those powerful verses of when the Lord returns to take us home and how eye has not seen nor ear heard what He has prepared for those He loves. So I woke up this morning, I prayed to be a vessel for the Lord and I am looking forward to going to church! Pray you are too!

Price Comparing

I don't know if it's because of the economy or if I'm just getting a tiny bit more smarter...but I've been discovering how to shop smarter and save money! It started with a friend of mine who clips coupons. Now, I'm not that patient and usually end up buying things I normally wouldn't because I had a coupon. Then my sister Kathy took me with her and she's pretty savvy. To take a few extra minutes and compare the amount I'm getting plus deciding if the brand is good enough is starting to pay off. I've even found some fantastic things at yard sales! So, this is getting to be fun. Not to mention the people I get to meet and make laugh because I tell them about my yard sale budget! The bible does talk about praying for wisdom...there's even mention about His people perishing for lack of it. So, when I wake up in the morning, the first thing I try to pray for is wisdom...even wisdom in how to pray for other people. Before shopping, it's a great idea to pray for what the needs are versus the greeds. I pray for wisdom on how to listen better and talk kinder. It's going to take some time, but already I notice fewer conflicts, fewer apologies having to be spoken and fewer knots in my stomach. If I were shopping for fruit of the spirit, I would always try to get more: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control. This is what I can shop for while praying too. The cost is simply, putting others ahead of me. Funny thing is, the less of me I think about, the more joy I seem to have. It can be a great life if I'm willing to work on it. Won't you join me?

Promise you won't repeat.....

It seems to be everywhere. In our schools, businesses, churches and sadly, in our own families. Those the closest to us can hurt us with their mouths the most. Proverbs 10:18 states: "One who utters slander is a fool". I would dare to say that this epidemic has at one time or another affected someone's very soul. At times it seems like it cuts deeper than a knife in our own hearts. And yet, I'd go even one more step and admit, I've done it...be it intentional or not. Words have the power to heal and destroy. Why aren't we more careful then? The power of life and death is in the tongue. With it we bless our Lord and Savior and with the same mouth we curse men who are made in His image. It should not be this way, especially when we know that our days are numbered. What if the last thing uttered about someone was unkind? Recently, a friend of mine shared something said about me from a member of my family. It really doesn't matter who or what was said. But as I listened, I was trying to defend my family member and stop the conversation. For some reason, this was not stopping. When I got off the phone, I have to admit I was hurt. I mean hurt to the core. And I asked God to show me why this happened. He answered in my spirit and I had to feel that feeling of hurt and betrayal, mixed with confusion and anger. Then, I realized something. This is how it feels to the other person when I do it. Ouch. Lord, please help me to never speak badly of another person, help me think before I "share". Help me remember this pain...this gut wrenching pain I feel. I want to please you God.

Just Breathe and Count to Ten

Have you ever wondered what a word not only means, but feels like? Lately, I have. Have you ever prayed for God to show you what a word is and looks like...and He does? Me too. Have you ever prayed for patience and quickly realized never to do that again! Haha. Me too. So, you would think by now I would stop asking the Lord to demonstrate a word to me...but no. My desire to know at times outweighs my contentment with what I do know, or think I know. I was invited to a bible study last night by a girlfriend and the question arose about what the meaning of a certain word means. It's one of those words you think you know, and for most of the part, you know the basic meaning. When they asked the question "what is the difference between patience and tolerance" I answered like this: While raising my son, I was patient waiting for him to grow up...however, I knew while he was growing up, he was going to do some things questionable along the way, but I would still love him". Pretty soon, the study was over, we visited and I went home quite happy. As I closed the garage door and proceeded to walk straight back into my bedroom, I see some white stuff on the floor. The further I walk in, and turn on lights the more of this white stuff there is?!! There all through my bedroom, bathroom and living room are piles and piles of shredded toilet paper strewn all over the place! I stand still...as in total shock and denial. How on earth did this happen and who did it!??? As I follow the paper, it becomes quite clear that the puppies had somehow gotten into the linen closet, got down a four pack roll of Charmin toilet paper and went to town!! Now, they are so happy I'm home that they are jumping on me and licking me...but I'm busy taking evidence photos. For a brief second I felt like committing Harry carry, but after they were posing proudly before their project, it occurred to me that now I know what tolerance feels like. I got ready for bed, slept great and didn't clean it up (because the photos need to be brighter haha). Puppies don't do things on purpose to get into trouble...they don't know any better. People that don't really know the Lord don't mean to make fun of certain things, they just don't know any better. Even Jesus said, "forgive them, for they know not what they do". Our job is to love them anyway and encourage them along the way. Now, who wants to come help me clean this up??