But...There Are Giants In The Land...

It always amazes me how life can go from one situation to another and when you look back, you wonder, did that really happen, or did I really live that way?  Recently, I started working at a High School as a ParaProfessional, or Teacher's Aide.  I am assigned to assist in four classrooms, with four different teachers.  Each teacher comes with amazing strengths and weaknesses.  Of course, the first year teacher has her work cut out for her.  A new ParaPro, with a brand new teacher, is not the best option in my opinion; however, only God knows what's going to happen, according to His will. 

Week one comes and goes super fast.  I literally am running from my first period class, which is Web Design, to my second period class, German.  There's so much to learn and so many students that need help that these 90 minutes seem to fly by.  After a rushed lunch, I'm running to English III and then my final class of the day...Algebra I.  Alegebra I has the brand new teacher, a little spit fire I'll call Mrs. Loker.  When I first saw her I asked "Did you just graduate and decide to teach?" and she quickly did the "hush, don't tell anyone, especially the kids!" look.  I have to say a more determined teacher, I've yet to meet.  She actually has these students learning Algebra!  Her youth affords her energy and enthusiasm and the students seem to like this class.  However, there's the one student...

Eddie is on the football team, as well as seven other boys in this class.  He is a tad slow, yet at times he comes across like he really cares about his grades. Apparently, if you don't achieve a grade of "C" or above, there are issues with playing football.  From day one, he's been a challenge.  At one point, the new teacher looked at me and said "you deal with him...I can't anymore."  So, with the same experience as she has, I try.  Everyday as I'm going through my day, I'm so excited to be a part of the youth and our education system, that I could  cry.  Then, I remember that fourth hour is coming.  Knots start getting tied in my stomach.  I'm really trying to work with this class, but I have to be honest...it's difficult.  Parts of me wonder if I'm really suppose to be here.

On the fourth week, Eddie is pretty much a hit and miss with his actions, loud mouth and work assignments.  It's Friday.  It's hot outside in this August Arizona heat, and the classroom is super hot and smells like a toilet.  I feel something is going to happen.  Don't know what it is, but I've been prayed over and I'm praying every morning, so I think I'm ready.  We only have 20 minutes left of class, then the weekend.  Out of nowhere, Eddie puffs up his chest and is walking up to a boy just as big as he is, but thinner.  They both have their chests stuck out and their eyes are like something out of a horror film...crossed and all.  Within seconds fists are flying and the teacher and I are scrambling to get over to this fight to break it up until we realize, we are no match for the Palestines.  I'm yelling "Knock it Off!!"  She's yelling and screaming but the only reason they stopped was because they were taking a breath.  I grabbed one and yanked him outside and she grabbed Eddie and kept him inside.  We waited for an eternity it seemed until Security arrived to take these two giants to the Principal's office.  Out of breath and still in shock, Ms. Loker decides to go over the rules of conduct.

I cried all the way home....picturing two little girls trapped against the wall while the fists are flying and they couldn't get away and almost got hit.  The other kids just going crazy and how long it took to calm them down.  Why am I here??!!!  Just one month ago I was enjoying my retirement lifestyle.  Lunch with my girlfriends, traveling to my sisters and son's home, shopping and watching Lifetime Movies in the afternoon.  Now, I'm in a third world country with gigantic kids and at any moment, one of them could snap!  There's no security...well, outside of the Lord.  Why am I doing this??

Monday comes way too soon and before I know it, I'm back at school.  A girl needs me to show her how to figure out the binery codes for web design.  I help her.  Another student needs me to help with tables and a link in a web page.  Second period, I'm helping two boys with their German homework.  Lunch comes and goes.  English III, I'm walking desk to desk to help these students with their assignments, grading papers, disciplining and trying to keep order.  Then, fourth period comes.  The two boys had been kicked out for seven days.  However, I look around and there are several more there willing to take their places.  Ms. Loker and I are stricter than ever...absolutely no one is to get up and walk around.  I am helping several students with Algebra.  They're starting to get it?!  When I see a light in their little eyes that they now understand what x equals.....it hits me that this is why I'm here! 

God had allowed Moses and his people to wonder the wildnerness for 40 years before they came to the Promise Land.  A land of milk and honey.  However, Joshua sent out twelve spies to check the land out and ten of  the spies came back and said it's absolutely wonderful...except....there are giants in the land.  Their total lack of faith in God's ability, afterall He had done for them, kept that generation from entering the Promised Land.

When God does amazing things for me and then He blesses me with a job that's only  been my passion since I was a child, why would I let giants keep me from it?  God isn't going to let anything happen that isn't according to His will.  I trust the Lord with my all.  That includes my job and safety for not only myself, but for my loved ones.  God has done too much for me to wonder if He can....I know He can!!  I just need to trust Him.  Won't you trust Him with your giants....?

Multi-Purpose House Slippers????

While at the store with a friend last week, we happened across these cute pink slippers that caught our eye.  I saw that on the bottom sole part of the slipper, there were these thick short rope like things on them and it sort of looked like a dust mop.  So, it was a dust mop and a slipper, all in one!  I immediately thought to my self, I must get these!  In my brain, which is a scary place to be, I invisioned me sliding and slipping all over my tile floors in my pretty big house and just like the "Scrubbing Bubbles" guy sliding all over the big black bathtub, everything behind him was white!!  So, my floors will be dusted and clean just by me waltzing around!!  Oh joy!!  I could hardly wait to try these on and get to it!  The next day, which is Saturday, I try them on and they fit quite comfortably.  I get to it.  I'm sliding around the livingroom, kitchen, office and since I'm not as flexible as I use to be, I can't twist behind me and look at the miracle, but I am still invisioning it.  When Bob sees me, (as usual, by now he's not surprised by any of my chinanigans) he's trying to think if he should ask "what's up?" or not.  I see him looking at me sliding everywhere and I'm like  "isn't it great!".  I go on to tell him what it is suppose to  be doing behind me.  To end the story, he  spends the next five minutes pointing out spots or hairs that were missed and after completing a 3  foot by 3 foot square, I was quite exhausted and done.  However, if the inventers get a vacuum you can lay on and watchTV while vacuuming, call me. 

This episode prompted me to think of other multi-purpose cleaners and even while things not meant for the actual project are being used, we're finding out that there are multiple purposes to almost everything. 

While praying for some very close friends to me and the situations going on in their lives, I had to wonder "does God have multi-purposes for these incidents?".  Then as I reflect on past horrors to me at the time, I wondered if the Lord had multi-purposes for those as well.  It sort of hit me that when  something out of the ordinary happens, it sets off a chain reaction.  Most incidences set off a domino effect. When I or anyone I love, care about, know or hear of is facing a difficult challenge in their life, I have to think that perhaps that God is using this tragedy, to effect His will in several people's lives.

When my 35 year old cousin who was healthier than anyone I knew - Shawn - got sick, and two years later after fighting harder than anyone on this earth could, passed away, I can't tell you how that affected me.  To see my Aunt and Uncle standing up  there by his casket and sharing with us parts of their lives with him to all of us, it broke me.  To see my cousins and their children suffer over this loss was excruciatingly painful.  To see Shawn's twin sister, Stacy, face her first birthday all by herself without her twin brother, I mean words can't explain the heartache because it goes on and on with the first Mother's Day, etc...  And it still hurts.  But the Lord showed me one of His purposes in that tragedy that He used as a multi-purpose.  That was used on me.  At that time, God was on a back burner.  I wasn't praying, reading, going to church.  I was smoking, drinking and only the Lord knows what else. 

And I have to tell you, God got my attention through that death of my cousin.  I woke up and I straightened up because I realized, yet again, how precious and short life is.  We are only here for a short while, the bible states we're as a vapor.  I've seen vapor's and they don't last at all.  We have a limited time to encourage people and live like Jesus wants us to and love harder than anyone on this earth to touch lives of lost souls who need Him.  I am going to try and remember the Lord's multi-purposes when anything, be it good or sad happens.  For God causes ALL things to work out for the GOOD.  Amen.

Teaching - Learning to Play to the Audience of One

Next week, Lord willing, I may start a brand new job as a Teacher's Aide for High School students.  As I laid in bed this morning thinking about all the jobs I've had, I couldn't help but realize this one is one I thought I could never do even though I use to dream and play Teacher as a child.  You see, I was a high school drop out.  Never thinking at the time how that would follow me the rest of my life.  It's almost like saying I'm a quitter.  Even though there were special circumstances that had prevented me from obtaining a High School Diploma, I did eventually receive my GED.  That's sort of like comparing a quitter to someone who got laid off, sort of. 

This new adventure is both exciting and to be honest scary!!  I have had some great teachers in the past who made lifelong influences on my life in a positive way.  I've also had teachers that abused me and scarred me.  I choose to remember the positive ones. 

As with any new job, I am going to be like a fish out of water, yet it appeals to me because as I prayed about this entire opportunity, I have this desire to see what God is going to have me do.  I want to be a witness for Him.  I'm not saying I can't be a witness for Him without an outside of the house job, because anyone can; however, I'm saying this feels different.  These are teenagers I am going to be hopefully influencing positively.  I love teenagers! 

The fear comes from the usual doubts of my ability, fear of how the teacher's I try to assist take to me, and the fear of doing or saying something that could hurt someone.  I've done that enough in my life.  So, as I begin on this journey, hopefully next Thursday, I know how to silence these fears.  Only by working as unto the Lord.  Each morning asking for wisdom, protection for the students and faculty, a loving and helpful attitude, forgetting myself and seeking someone else's good, and humility along with thankfulness.  Then that peace....oh that sweet peace which I've tasted, will guard my heart and my mind. 

With over 20 years of working in Corporate America and climbing up the aluminum ladder of people pleasing, I remember the fear.  It all stemmed from trying to please everyone, except God.  All those things I fretted over, cried over, drank over....were stupid.  They passed and those great ones now ... where are they?  Now that I know that, and lived through it, I can hopefully remember how this does all pass.  Everything will pass away except for the Word of the Lord.  So, if anyone hears me fretting over something stupid...please make me read the Word, Pray to the Lord and repent.  I want to please Him and play to an audience of one. 

Bite Me!!

When, oh when will I learn to quit being such a pity partier?  Why, oh why won't I learn to let go and let God a little quicker?  I know that if I keep up a tantrum, I'm gonna get what my momma use to say:  "You want something to cry about???  I'll give you something to cry about!!!"  And she delivered.  Who of us wants to continue to sulk and whine and feel blue over a change in our life.  A friend of mine blogged about labeling as if that gives us a right to be the way we are or react to something.  At this stage of my life, I need to start learning a little bit faster and so, as I knew would happen, I got something to cry about!   The day started out as any other hot summer day in Arizona.  Monsoon season is not dissappointing and the mugginess can make your bones a little achy and sleep a little more difficult.  But this change occurred and even though I know it's a great opportunity for my loved one...I couldn't shake this feeling of sadness.  As if I lost something.  So, I did my pity party and I thought it was going pretty good.  I walked around my house dragging my feet.  I went up to Camp Verde so my sister could console me.  All my friends and relatives shared their feelings of encouragement and love for me....so, it was a pretty good pity party.  But by day four, something had to give.  I was served a summons for a "Failure to Appear" on a speeding ticket I received.  A laptop I ordered was missing and other little financial issues popped up unexpectedly.  So, I started this day by praying and thanking God for everything.  I prayed for friends who have loved ones in the military, with the Lord, or unknown.  I thanked the Lord for hearing my prayers concerning my loved one and then after that, I did the dishes.  I did the laundry.  I was still dragging my feet a little, but I cleaned the toilets, three that the Lord had blessed me with.  I mopped the huge living room, foyer and laundryroom floors.  A friend was coming over to study for a test on this job the Lord blessed us with.  I saw spider webs out in the walkway and thought, I better clean those too because I don't want my friend to get bit.  So I swept and as I always do, I pull the webs with the leaves stuck on the broom off and a spider bit me.  The rest of the day was one big laugh.  I laughed with Mel who went with me to the Emergency Room; joked with the nurse getting my vitals; confessed to the Doctor I stole some gloves for a painting project and posed for photos to put on Facebook.  I even recorded the funniest last will and testament I've ever seen or heard and had Mel really laughing with my fake convulsions!  What happened?  I realized that I don't have the luxury of wasting days on pity parties.  So, my loving Father said to me, "You want something to cry about?"  And I get it.  I can laugh now and boy did Mel and I laugh, we even almost wrecked.  It was a good day, because the Lord knows how to deal with me.  And tomorrow, I'm expecting a miracle for a loved one.  God is good and His lovingkindness is Everlasting!

The Dream

I happen to be a mom. And not just any mom. I'm one of "those" moms. You know, the kind that puts their kid ahead of everyone, except God. At the age of 18, I became pregnant and half way into my 19th year, my son was born. He weighed 9.5 pounds and of course, was the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen. At first I have to admit that we didn't bond instantly. There was an issue with breast feeding, but once the Le Leachy Group came over for a few weeks and helped, that was taken care of. Yet, I still had this desire and wanted to go party with my friends and I couldn't because of the baby. All that changed when my baby was in a car accident and I almost lost him. Something made me realize how precious he is and that the Lord could take him anytime. My sister said just yesterday, that God just loaned him to me anyway. So, overnight, I went from an ok mom to an anything goes for my son mom. Thirty two years later, he's all grown up and we remain close. He's still at the top of my list and anything goes. Now, he's moving to Oregon tomorrow, and I've been struggling with the thought of him moving, more than I have over anything; until two nights ago when I had a dream. Clay was leaving and I was bawling and begging like a crazed woman, grabbing onto his pant leg while he drags me and everything. It was so exaggerated, that in this dream, I was embarrassed! Next scene. Clay and I are going on an adventure walk around a block like we did when he was a little boy. When we finished walking around the block, the only choice left was to go around the same block again. Clay and I started the adventure walk, but the adventure was now gone. The last scene. We're driving in his truck, going to Oregon and across this road was a creek...rocks and all. The water was rising and other cars were getting across, but barely. I looked at Clay and said, "whatever you do son, don't stop...just keep going at a steady speed and you'll make it." Then, I woke up. This peace came over me and as I told Clay the dream, he got it. Then he said I should journal the dream, so I am. Now, I'm excited for my son! I'm not saying I won't be sad after he leaves, but it won't be like it could have been. Plus, I'm seeing him in two weeks and flying up there in October! I'm excited for this new adventure walk my son is going on. He can do it!! May the good Lord continue to bless and protect him.

Neat Week

I was just here reflecting from the past week and thought how amazing has it been! I am so blessed that I can hardly believe it at times. Even though my son is moving, the only time I get sad is when I think of poor little ole me, instead of him going to pursue a dream he's always had. We are after all our kids cheerleaders in this harsh world. We had coffee the other day, went to some yard sales, laughed over my blindness and other things. Planning on helping him with his yard sale because he's going to start over. I get to keep most of his stuff he wants to keep here. I'm always so happy when he turns to me. Other than my son, I have so many precious friends. Always willing to help me. Encouraging me and believe it or not, I do learn a thing or two from them. They are encouraging me to write my life story. Very smart women. We had a luncheon at my house this weekend and one of my friends had been to Israel and had the most beautiful photosensitive that she shared with us. How neat it is to see places Jesus walked! I have the best friends in the world, two of us are going to start working and I'm excited about that. I have an awesome sister who lives up in the cooler temps that I got to go see last week to help take care of her and her hubby because they were both ill. What a blessing to be needed and then to hear them both thank me was so sweet. Especially my brother in law... I got to go over to another friends house for lunch and loved it. My Boutique is so much fun. I found some more neat treasures for it. In three days I get to see my son's brother and that's only God that arranged this and even provided me the money and plane tickets. This morning Kate and I took coffee and stuff to the women's ministry and heard a good message and she was used by God to minister to a girl there. Yes, it's been a great week. Thank you Jesus for my life!! I love you!!

CPR Training

Yesterday, a friend and I went to CPR training. It is one of the requirements we will need prior to working with high schoolers. The Instructor was very knowledgeable and has literally quite possibly saved thousands of lives. His primary goal in this class, is to show us the most effective way to accomplish that. I left that class more confident than when I walked in, that if an opportunity presented itself to me, I might be able to save someone's life, or at least sustain them until the Paramedics arrive. We were taught that there are five basic steps to rendering aid to someone in need. The first one was to assess the situation...are they breathing? Then, call or have someone call 911 and ask one person to obtain an AED (automatic external defibrillator...most buildings have one). Start compressions...airway...breathing. I believe everyone with a loved one should be trained especially when it came to the babies. As I was going over the steps in my mind, I couldn't help but think that even if a person was given a second chance, eventually we will come to a time when it's our time to go. If we have never taken steps to ask Jesus to be our Savior, think of all a person would be missing out on... like everlasting life. So, in our daily walk, if I happen to be in a situation where I might possibly be able to save someone's life but I skip all those oppourtunities to care about their soul...what profit is that? The chances of me coming across a physical emergency are probably not going to be as often as me coming across a spiritual emergency. So when life just happens to put me in either position, I need to assess the situation, are they saved? Then I need to call 911, or the Lord in prayer and then try to obtain an AED (admittance to everlasting destiny), then start compressions, airway, breathing...or pressing them to seek the Lord, clearing out debris from their mind on wrong thoughts, breathing in the holy spirit. I want to be able to provide both types of CPR. Not just Cardiopulmonary resuscitation, but also Christian Preparation Response. Let's try to seek training in both of these life alterating moments.